Do I post on my blog how to escape an abusive relationship?

[user1498060624]

Hi all,

I was living in an abusive relationship for 3 years. I went through emotional and physical abuse and we ended up by him pushing me out of the house, throwing me in the car and driving me miles away and leaving me there. I couldn't walk back home or walk to the city so I called a friend and she picked me up. He also disposed my stuff in the fields and I had to pick them up.

Today he texted me talking shit and I asked him if he'd ever apologise for whatever he has done in this relationship and if he will acknowledge the contribution his mother and brother had into breaking us up. Not only he doesn't recognise his mistakes and apologise but he is also telling me off and cursing me when I remind him who his family is and how they haven't apologized either!

The question is, do I post on my blog 'how to escape from an abusive relationship', let all my readers know who he and his family is, expose him and share all of my tips on escaping such a situation?

What do you do in my case?
Thanks in advance for your time.

I think they may be trying to do right by you by suggesting counselling as a first port of call but many people, me included, benefit from some anti-depressants in order to get them well enough to engage in a useful way with the counselling.

It might be worth going back and specifically asking the GP about that.

What kind of counselling are you having?

I think what will help with the therapy really is if you get a bit more insight into why you are reacting in this way - obsessing over revenge against his family.

I think anti-depressants could help with that by getting you more on an even keel.

What I think is happening is a little bit like when someone takes back a cheating husband and they get obsessed with taking revenge on the OW - it's transference because acknowledging to yourself that the person you love has treated you so appallingly is too hard to do.

In reality it is your abusive ex who is responsible, even if his family did things to aid and abet his treatment of you this simply offers some background to how he ended up being an appalling human being. Ultimately he is an adult and is wholly and completely responsible for his own behaviour.

And as an aside I am not big on forgiving people who have hurt me TBH. I think that has hurt me more than it has helped me in the past. What's important is forgiving myself and also moving on without bitterness which twists you up inside. I will never ever forgive many ppl who have done horrendous things to me. The things they have done do not deserve to be forgiven or forgotten but I have and am moving forward, always remembering, learning from it and growing.

Taking revenge usually ends up like that cliche of drinking poison and expecting them to die.

Don't post his name that's asking for trouble.

If you want to post about my ex and call him such, it's up to you what you post.

People like this won't apologise though so don't hold your breath.

Move on and don't talk to him.

I honestly think you need to grow up a bit. You don't need revenge, that's childish. You're the better person and got out of it. Rise above it. Anyone could write a blog, it doesn't make it true. I don't think it will have the effect you want. Put the effort into truly moving on because it sounds like he's still occupying lot of your headspace.

You can't control how others behave, only how you respond to it.

@NotAnotherNoughtiesTune Thats very wise and true, thank you!

@Haffiana Yes I did. And I said clearly even more than I share here.

@Offred I should stop being an emotions machine and forgive them, but it is (way) easier said than done!

I hope time heals me

Be very careful what you blog. If you publically out him like that it could cause you more grief, even if what you say is true.

I'd do research on what you can or cannot publish first before you do.

Or, just move on with your life.

@PollytheDolly thank you.
I wrote the blog post and saved it. It's not as offensive as I initially had it in my head and I portray a life of living with an abuser and how to spot the first signs up to how to escape.

If I ever decide to post it I will make sure my head is clear.
Thank you!

OP I don't want to be unkind but the very thing you want from him you are not doing yourself. You accept no responsibility for yourself either. I get that he was abusive. But you also talk of moving and giving up your job because of HIM. You are a grown woman, you make your own choices. You moved country because you chose to.
Do not give your ex another thought. Accept that you were foolish and he was a bastard. Report him to the police. But then move on. Forget the blog idea. Get revenge by living well not blogging about him.

@AtSea1979 You are right, it was my decision to quit my job and move back to my home country, but do you empathize with my situation a bit? Would you keep doing a job that requires 1000% of your mental ability 24/7 when you could barely shower? Would you live in a city where you have no friends since everyone graduated or moved cities? And lastly, would you live in this small city, trying to recover and live your life when you would bump onto each other all the time?

I think my decision to go away is the best I can do to speed up the recovery process. But I will always blame him and his family for getting me to this point.

I have admitted my mistakes, apologised and I feel good with myself because I have the mental maturity to see where I was wrong, accept it and admit it. I see my responsibility but he still thinks he is perfect...