Getting annoyed with partners ex

[Louw12345]

She is driving me insane not only does she text him to give him abuse tells when he can and can't have the kids and slags me off.
If she not happy with him he isn't allowed the kids but then can change her mind last minute (probs coz she has weekend plans) and he has to jump to her demands.

I feel really sorry for him coz he loves his kids and she just using them to get to him.

He pays for them both one is not biologically his but has taken her in as his own. The children turn up with clothes that are far too small for them and odd socks.
He gos half's with trips and uniforms.

Last Christmas he had the kids and she wanted to be there while they opened their presents off him. ( the Christmas before she did not want to do that).

When we started seeing each everything seemed calm for him but as soon as she found out about me she's horrible. (Iv read the texts myself).

Does this get any easier? He's moving in next year and think I need to prepare myself. The children (mine and his are very important to me) and if she stops him seeing his kids coz he's moved in, I don't think I could continue with the relationship. I would never be able to live with myself knowing I'm the reason they didn't have a relationship. But then in the other sense she can't dictate to him what he can and can't do.

My ex is an arse and doesn't really care about his kids. We have just been away for 2 weeks which ment he missed his weekend. The week was was back he was off work on the Friday and didn't bother turing up for his access (tea every other Friday ).

So we both know how we both feel regarding our exes and how the cholden become involved with petty point scoring.

I love my man and want a future with him I can even see this man as my husband (alot for me to see as he would say as I'm so resvered). I just wish his ex would do one

I had similar, suggest your DP get a formal access agreement in place, do money via CMS etc...the neutrality of Sols and CMS really helped.

She said she's taking him to CMS coz she wants an extra £80 a month, he can't afford that. And this extra money she's demanding was because he asked her to let him know how much money she needs for uniforms.

Iv looked into family mediation for him but where he lives it's really expensive like 150 a meeting, she's the type of woman that will drag it out for months.

He's always paid thru the bank and more than she orginally asked for to.

Our children get on so well, I have bought new beds for them and even knocked a wall down so the room is much bigger for all of them. I love havin the kids here and they get so excited when they are there way over (they ring me).
I jusy wish things would be easier it's not the kids fault being court up in all of this, why should they have to go without

She wouldn't go through CSA, because unless he has adopted the other DC he wouldn't have too pay for the child.

Women like her throw the word around like court for a reaction and to make the man "tow the line".

Call her bluff.

No he couldn't adopte her because they would of needed her biological dad to agree but he has never been involved in her life.

However she did text him when she first found out about us stating he wnot be seeing his step child and her real father is paying child maintenance for her. Anyway he contuined to provide for her.

Yes he did that tbh I just think she enjoys playing with him. She texts when she knows he's here and like at 10pm.

How long have you been together? and when did he separate from his ex?

You will have to realistic - the ex will not disappear and you can't make her change. He needs to ask her to agree a schedule of contact and can propose mediation if that doesn't work. It might feel expensive but is the only way forward.

If she texts late he has a choice as to whether or not he responds.

We have been together nearly a year. This is there 4 time the have been split up over 1.5 years.

No I know she wont dispear I'm not suggesting that at all. I'm wondrink when if at all she will stop using the kids to get to him.
There a agreement is every weekend it's what he has been doing since the split. And all the over times.

No he doesn't reply to her at that time but she will kick off afew weeks later saying well I try to contact yo and you ignore me

They have been split up about 1.5 years

I'd go to court if I was him. Now before you move in together. That way rules are in place who gets them when and how much he has to pay.
He's giving her extra but she obviously doesn't appreciate it.
Try and be a bit empathetic too after all it can't be easy seeing your ex moving on with someone else.
She sounds very jealous.
He should let her know he will only tall to her about the children. Nothing private.
It's not her business.

Oh I totally understand that iv been there myself but thats about me and my feelings nothing to do with what the kids needed in their life.
we have done things things asked for like me meeting her b4 I met the kids, letting her know if they will be spending the weekends at mine and asked for a week during the holidays.

It's the last month she's started up again with all this.

She's on her 2nd boyfriend since she found out about us. Both of which have been around the children. So I don't think it's jealousy I think it's control. Even though she told his mum If she didn't hit him they would be married by now.

So to me it makes me think maybe she's coming to terms with the fact they aren't getting back together I'm unsure

When she knew they was coming for the weekend (first full weekend, we normally just do a Saturday night) and they was excited she asked their daughter (not his biological child) if she wanted to stay home with her instead.
It was really upetting to know she did that to her child who is only 5. However I'm glad she's learning to stand up to her.

When she first found out about us I would hate to think what she said infont of the kids as his daughter wouldn't see him for weeks. And his ex wouldn't let him talk to her either

When he told me he's taken on another man's child as his own (continued it even when the relationship broke down and financially provides for her) I thought wow that's amazing he and his ex are brilliant for getting on and seeing it's about the kids. (Which is something me and my ex can't seem to do).
But now I think is it /was it the right thing to do. She knows she can't stop him having his son his son actually never wants to go home he cries his heart out. she does it with his daughter all the time and it isn't fair coz she misses out with him and us together as a unit alot of the time

Was your ex ok with you booking a holiday-encapsulating his weekend?

I have this sort of caper all the time
My sympathies op.
I echo get something sorted formally

When I booked the holiday my ex had an access agreement in place ( child mediation what he wanted) but did not keep up with it as there was no communication between us. i did not talk with him about the holiday

He needs to go to court and get it sorted out. If she continues mucking him about or changing her mind like the wind, she'll never stop it.

The court will not enforce visitation for the daughter, but he needs to persist and have proper access to his son.

People like her play on your worse fears... That he won't be able to see her daughter. Well he'll have to stand firm and push it for his biological child.

Being Mr. Nice guy isn't getting him anywhere... Plus he needs to have her stop the abuse.

I agree with what others have said, get a court order for access, he needs something in writing or she could stop contact whenever she wants and it could take months to get it to court.

Let her go to CSA if she thinks he's not paying enough, if she goes through them she will lose money as they take a bit if going through them.

Trust me she will NOT go to CSA!! They would tell him not to pay for the child that isn't biologically his. I can guarantee if he stopped paying for that child then she wouldn't let him see the child!! My dad isn't my biological dad but he's brought me up from being 18 months old and in our eyes and hearts were father and daughter. When him and my mum split up he had me every weekend the same as my other siblings but he didn't pay maintenance for me and my mum never asked for it because that was the job for my biological dad (who didn't give a toss about me) it was the fair thing to do and everyone was happy with that arrangement. If his ex was a decent human she would see that too! Tell him to go to court and get a formal arrangement in place otherwise this will never end! She will always call the shots and it's the kids ultimately that are going to be the victims here stuck in the middle because their mother is a nasty piece of work.