Man child's massive temper tantrums.

[SelenaTheFox]

Dear All,

Thank you in advance for reading my post - I am not sure of how much I can take.

It's almost a month since I broke off the relationship with my ex, but he is still here. I have asked him to leave, he found a place to move to, but only to reject it when it came to him signing the contract (still hoping that we are going to get together), personally, I have a feeling that he had no intention of moving out.

I have found a lodger for my spare bedroom, which means that he has to move out. Anyway, when he learnt that I have rented out my room, starting in September, he threw massive temper tantrums on Friday night, claiming that he still loves me and he was sorry for treating me so badly, he has changed - blah, blah, blah... I stood my ground, I was not going to get back with him.

I cannot find any thing good to say about this man, he is mean and extremely stingy, lacks self-awareness, selfish, controlling, abusive, he used to shout at me all the times, he demanded that I cook for him every day and yet has never given me a penny towards food, the list is endless.

Saturday, he had another massive temper tantrums when my new lodger came to pay the deposit for the room. I left the lodger downstairs and my ex was in the kitchen, only go downstairs and found him telling the person off for wearing shoes inside the house (that's some of the rules that he imposed in my house after moving in!), no shoes inside the house.

Sunday, another temper tantrums - he wanted to change the desk in the spare bedroom with a desk in my room, I told him not to do this, only to go upstairs, he had my things all over the place and kept saying that he was doing it "for me". This follow by so many nasty words, how he wanted to stay in the spare room and now I was throwing him out. I felt drained and completely stressed out, I took a walk

I want to talk to him to give me a date to move out. Is it normal for a person to go to your room and start moving your stuff all over the place, including some very personal things that he should not touch? In the process of all this, he broke an antique leg off a table to which he said that he will screw it back on.... I am at my wit's end!

His behaviour is so odd, I have suspected MH for a long time. The way he has been crying and then throwing temper tantrums that he will be moving out as soon as possible and the next that we should get back together and she still loves me. I want him to move out so I can have peace and quiet. I am not in love with this man, his behaviour has destroyed me completely

Get rid of him from your house, block him from your phone and whenever you weaken, just read your post back to yourself. You don't need this in your life.

So do you own the house? Does he have family? Friends?

Can you get them involved?

I think maybe the police is you next option

Yes, I own the house. He has friends. This is not a young person, he is over 50 years old. He wants to stay as he has been abusing my kindness and hospitality. I am a people pleaser - something which I am trying to stop doing.

Our relationship was always a one way - financially, he did nothing for me. He would do useless work around the house and garden to show that he was very busy and "helping me". It does not matter whether I wanted the work done, he will just get on with it and then tells me that he was doing work around the house and garden and my job was to make him dinner every day.

He's trying to wear you down so that you give in and let him stay. Be firm, if necessary, I'd offer to pay a month's rent somewhere else just to get him out.
If you stay calm, quote your legal rights and inform him that if he doesn't leave, you will be calling the police, you may find he suddenly gets the message and packs his bags.
When you tell him, be very cold, be very stern and uncompromising. He has damaged your property and still, he refuses to leave your home. You can tell him that you have legal grounds for wilful destruction of property, intimidation, coercive control and mental/emotional abuse which you will prosecute unless he leaves.

OP just call the police and ask them to remove him.

He does not live in your house any more. He has damaged valuable property. How many more of your belongings do you want destroyed? He is being aggressive and intimidating to you & your future lodger. Your relationship is over & he has to move on.

This needs decisive action, or it will drag on for months & you will lose your lodger. Pack whats left of his stuff & leave it outside. Then change the locks & don't let him in again. Don't answer the door to him.

If all else fails - Ring the police, tell them he has had every opportunity & plenty of time to make his arrangements but he refuses to go. Tell them about the damage property & intimidation. Ask for him removing.

Has he signed a contract with you?

If he hasn't then I'm not sure he can claim any rights to stay...

Next time he is out (at work? somewhere he will be for a few hours...) I would change the locks (you can just change the barrel bit quite easily - if you know what lock you have you can buy it from a diy store), pack up all his stuff and leave it on the front step for him to take away. Or pack him an overnight bag and say that he can come at a pre-arranged time to pick up his stuff, you will have it outside in bags for him. Then make sure you have others (hopefully including big burly scary male!) there at the agreed time. I know some posters have suggested logging it with the police if you think that there might be confrontation so that if you ring them you don't need to spend lots of time giving details, they can come quickly, but I don't know if that is still what is advised.

Good luck. I would also be tempted to invoice him for food or broken items but probably wouldn't.

I would also be tempted to put a lock on a door of one/some of the rooms so that you can put your valuable/sentimental/important/etc things in them and your ex can't get in to do any more damage.

And quite frankly, if he starts damaging things and won't go, ring the police and ask them to remove him.

At the moment y ou're giving him the power - you 'want to talk to him to give me a date to move out'. Don't. It's not his house, it's your house and he's not paying (much? at all?) by the sound of it. Just say - you need to be gone. Now. I've been telling you for a long time. It's your own fault. It doesn't matter if you still love me. I don't love you and I won't love you again. You do not have rights to stay in my house. I am not buying any food for you again. Go.' or something along those lines.

Call the Police. Throw is stuff out the door and change the lock. WHATEVER. Just get him the fuck out of your house. Ignore his tantrums and just DO it already

WTF are you doing putting up with this shite!????
If he won't, then you pack up hit shite and throw it out the door.
Do it when he's out and get the locks changed.
Job done!
Honestly - stop messing about now.
Pull on your big girl pants and get this loser gone!
If he starts banging on the door etc... then get the police involved.

I agree with everyone saying get him out, but want to add listen to your gut. If he starts to threaten you in any way, or you start to feel scared phone police straight away. When pregnant or just after splitting with an ex is when women are most vulnerable to serious physical abuse. Police know this and should act quickly and take you seriously, don't forget he has already caused criminal damage no doubt motivated to intimidate you back into compliance.

You aren't the poster whose p turned the hose on her and stole the lawnmower are you?

Either way, you need him out and you could change the locks easily yourself. I'd be inclined to just do it And then tell him as a fait accompli. Stuff on the doorstep.

If it's not his house then you don't need to wait for him to decide to leave, you can just throw him out!

So he pays no rent or any bills or anything? And you own the house?

Agree with others saying as soon as he goes out change the locks and leave him a bag on the front step!

How are you doing OP - have you managed to get him out yet?

Remember - for what it's worth, he has somehow managed to wrap you around his little finger and has had you paying for his food as well as treating you very badly and damaging your property, and convince you that he doesn't have to go until he wants to go.

Remind yourself that it is your house - you shouldn't have to put up with an abusive fucker who doesn't love you but sees you as a cheap and easy place to live and be fed. I'm not surprised to hear he doesn't want to move out. Tough. It's not his problem. If he won't go, get a roll of bin bags (to stick his stuff in), new barrels for the locks of your doors, check you have window locks on your windows, get a friend around to be supportive and make sure that he doesn't kick off, and to protect you, then tell him to get out.

And if he won't, call the police and ask them for help.

Good luck

How the hell did someone who sounds as nice as you do get together with this numpty? Was he like this from the start?