Alcohol and nightmares

[flowersonthepiano]

DH is a heavy drinker, possibly/probably an alcoholic. He only drinks after 6 pm and is never violent or aggressive, but rarely has less than 6 pints of beer a night. We've been together a long time (18 years) and I tolerate the drinking. Tonight he started talking about wanting to give up alcohol and said that one of the reasons that he drinks is that if he doesn't he has really nasty violent nightmares. He said he's had them since he was a child and the only thing that helps is alcohol. This came from him - I gave up some time ago on nagging about booze. Anyone else ever heard of a similar situation or have any advice on anything that might help?

Alcohol interrupts REM patterns of deep sleep, so it is plausible that it might prevent nightmares. A GP could prescribe alternative sleep medication while your husband detox's and could offer counselling about alcohol addiction/ anxiety management as well. If I was married to him, that is what I would recommend. 6 pints per night...that is quite a lot from a household budget, not to mention the impact on his personal health as he is way over his weekly units with that sort of consumption.

Thank you scooby. Yes, it's not cheap. Equivalent to a second mortgage. And I do worry about his health. I am not confident I can convince him to go to the GP though. He has been once in all the years I've known him

I have to ask you why you have tolerated his drinking; did you for instance grow up seeing similar from a parent?. I would think he is an alcoholic, he has become physically and psychologically dependent on alcohol (and may have used it to forget).

What if anything do you know about his childhood?. Was there abuse within it; that could be the root cause of the nightmares.

He can talk the talk but the decision to actually seek help is another matter entirely. The will to do so has to come from him and him alone and can only be done for him, not you or anyone else. Any familial coercion is doomed. He may not ever decide to seek help and could spend the rest of his days drinking as he has done. From what you write as well he may never want to seek help; just put it all onto you again.

You can only help your own self ultimately and it sounds like he does not want your help or support. You have a choice re him and Al-anon could benefit you no end.

No. My parents were practically tea total. Not drinkers at all. I guess I decided that it wasn't a deal breaker for me. Maybe it should have been, but it isn't. You are absolutely right that I can't do it for him. I understand that. I actually felt very wary when he opened up about wanting to stop last night. I don't want to get my hopes up. ..again... anyway, he says he doesn't understand why he has nightmares and that he was never abused.

I just wondered if anyone else also has (or had) intrusive nightmares and if they found other effective ways of dealing with it. While I know I can't make him change, I suppose I can let him know of alternatives, if there are any.

My ex medicates his anxiety with alcohol, one of the reasons he became and ex. The alcohol was more important than trying to see if not drinking would improve our relationship. In the last 5 years together I can count on both hands how many nights he went without alcohol. He will probably have a rough few nights if he needs to stop. He should see his GP though and be prescribed some meds to take the edge off and some B vitamins.

He needs to see his GP.

There is medication for nightmares (if you could make him see his go), but beware those medications cannot be combined with alcohol because it is possibly deadly. So if he decides to take the medication he might not drink under any circumstances.

Is there a reason he has this kind of nightmares like for example having a bad experience and now dreaming about that?

He says he has no idea why he has the nightmares and they are recurring about a specific thing, just really violent and frightening. He did have to have minor surgery for glue ear as a child and is very squeamish about blood and injections (can't even bear to have Casualty on the TV), so I wonder if it's something to do with that? I'll have a look into the nightmares medication. He does occassionally have a night off the booze, and always says he has bad dreams. He says he has a fear of going to sleep because of it - You'd never know it if you met him superficially, people always comment on how laid back he is!

Sorry, that should be 'not recurring about a specific thing'