Going out for dinner but don't fancy him

[Whathappensnowthen]

Since my separation I've found it difficult to get out and about. I've lost so many friends during my marriage that I'm pretty much alone bar one or two people. So I've been joining groups/forums online and chatting/getting to know people with mutual interests. (Would love to actually go to clubs or activities, but I have nobody to look after the children).

Anyway, one chap has asked me out to dinner. He seems like a nice bloke, we've been chatting for a couple of months now, we seem on the same wavelength. But if I'm honest, I can't say that I actually fancy him. However, just the idea of being taken out and having a meal with someone that actually 'gets' me is lovely in itself, so I've agreed to go.

Am I setting myself up for problems though? He has told me he likes me and finds me attractive, so is he going to assume more will come of this than just a meal out?

I've had very little experience in 'casual' dating - I married my first boyfriend and then, after we divorced, married the next chap I went out with, so just need a bit of advice about the etiquette of 'casual' dating (and no, I'm not planning to get married again).

Thanks 🙂

Go out to dinner and have a nice time. As far as fancying him, you might discover that suddenly you do, or maybe you won't. Don't feel pressured by that. I think the key with your relationship with this man is to be very clear right from the start that you are taking things very slowly. If you don't want to be seeing him/going on dates on a regular basis then let him know that, too. Be honest that you don't know where this relationship is going. If he pressures you, dump him as a friend, because he's not a real friend anyway.

I also think you should go...most of the men ive dated i didnt fancy at first but they kind of grew on me...

Stuff down some free grub!

I personally wouldn't go. As flattering as it is, if you are 100% sure you don't fancy him then you're just leading him on. It would be different if you thought you might develop feelings for him or if you've been very bluntly upfront with him and said it would never go beyond friendship but, if not, then I think it's a bit mean to just go to use him for some company and give him the wrong idea.

Have you met him yet or just spoken online? You can't always tell if you fancy him if you have never met. I would give him a chance if he is on your wavelength.

I didn't fancy my dp when we met. I almost cancelled our third date. Went anyway for something to do, he was very clever and we were always on the same wavelength so I thought why not.

Ended up shagging him that evening out of curiosity more than anything and the chemistry was off the charts, knocked me for six. You couldn't have predicted it, but there you go.

Just do it op, let things happen as they may, don't make assumptions or put pressure on yourself and see what unfolds x

Go and have some fun. It's good to meet new people.

Go! It's only dinner, you're not actually committing to anything.
Similar to pp, I wasn't 100% convinced if I really fancied him until our first shag
It went exceptionally well

I accidentally deleted half a sentence... it should read "when I met DP, I wasn't 100% convinced..."

I think that if you go, you should insist on going Dutch and splitting the bill. Then your not using him for a free meal if you don't think anything more can come of it.

Stuff down some free grub!

Or pay your way like a grown up?

Go but go Dutch.

Pay half and don't be a freeloader like Blossomdeary suggests.