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Original poster

Dating Rules - basics

15 replies

SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 19:27

Hi there!
I'm v new to dating online but thought hey! i really don't know the score here
I signed up to pof last week and have a couple I like who've swapped numbers as they wanted to arrange to meet - but now we are now texting/ what's apping the let's do coffee hasn't materialised is it ok to say look give me a time and place or I'm off - I tried saying let's meet lunchtime (original day we agreed on the site) but he said he was really sorry but made other plans. He still messages all the time but no definite time to meet up just that he'd really really like to.
I don't really want to waste my time and I've got less bothered about dating - it's all a bit like hard work.
The other is great fun but same thing - let's meet up we swop numbers no date/time

Plus my inbox has hit 90 do I have to reply to them?! its all a bit much
Can anyone give some v simple OLD tips please?

I'm sure this has been done before but can't find the thread so being hopeful!

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 19:42

Looks really hopeful!

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 20:49

Oh no this is like my personal blog!
So I just wrote a long list of all the stuff we could discuss or do to the guy I like best which would not involve sending pictures
He's got v offended and I think has binned me - I'm not cut out for this does anyone have any hints or tips ?

OP posts:
TheFifthKey · 30/07/2017 20:52

You don't have to reply to everyone! I only reply to ones I like the sound of which might be 1/10 on a good day.

The list sounds a bit off-putting! Perhaps it's better just to fine-tune your radar - with the right person you won't need to set any rules because you'll be kind of in sync anyway.

And yeah, if they say they want to me, they'll make a date if they mean it. Don't be messed around. Oh, and don't feel bad about ghosting someone you've never met. Trust me, they'd do it to you.

AdalindSchade · 30/07/2017 20:57

-don't reply to everyone! Delete messages you don't want to reply to. Don't worry about being rude. That's how OLD works. Men send millions of messages, women receive millions an for reply to a few.

  • if you don't arrange a coffee date within a few days of texting then let it fizzle out.
  • don't take it too seriously
  • chat to several men at the same time
  • don't make any assumptions based on texting. You can have amazing text chat and zero chemistry in life.
Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 21:04

Thanks FifthKey I feel awful as I liked that guy but his request for pictures after all the others touched a nerve

I guess I need to cut the list down a bit and just keep it very mild until meeting

I feel with every guy requesting more pictures a bit cheapened - there's my face and a fell length pic on there I don't want to sext and exchange pictures I just want to chat then meet and see if there is any chemistry

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 21:08

Right Ada!
Thanks I'm going to try those rules! The two I'm texting were two of the first ones that contacted me as I wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. I'll go back on tomorrow and let these two fizzle
Do men mind if you don't answer them for a week?

OP posts:
Badhairday1001 · 30/07/2017 21:10

I hope people reply because I would like to know too.
I signed up to Match after recently becoming single after a very long relationship, just to see what it's about really. I got lots of messages but then felt overwhelmed and have decided I'm not ready to date after all. I didn't reply to any but then felt really rude for ignoring people that had made an effort to message. I came off the site in a panic in the end and haven't been back on. I don't think it's for me, but then how else do you meet people?
Maybe if I had some tips/ rules I would find it easier. None of my friends have any experience of it because they are all in long term relationships.

theabysswithin · 30/07/2017 21:11

AdalindSchade is on the money.

I would add:

  • Don't send pictures if it makes you in any way uncomfortable and certainly don't send saucy ones until you've known them for some time
  • Take everything that's said about their life and personal circumstances with a pinch of salt until you know them a fair bit
  • If you go on a date and they don't follow up with you within a couple of days (assuming you want to see them again) just walk away. If they are interested, they won't need to be chased
  • Never meet someone at your home on the first date
  • Never chase anyone who's gone cold on you. Leave for a bit, then block, delete and move on
Astarael · 30/07/2017 21:13

Hi Squeaks - just dropping by as I am also a bit of a newbie. No real advice just to say I understand where you are coming from as the number of people that seem to want a pen friend is huge!

Refilona · 30/07/2017 21:14

I think POF has quite a bad reputation - if you're looking for something serious maybe try match or okcupid

AdalindSchade · 30/07/2017 21:15

Yeah, it's perfectly fine not to respond to requests for pictures. They are 9/10 attempts to lead into sexting. I've engaged in those sorts of chats including sexting so I know how it goes!
Lots of men (probably women too) are looking for a text/sext buddy, not a real relationship. So if a coffee date doesn't materialise then let it go.
You don't have to reply to people if you don't want to.
Maybe try tinder. It has a bad reputation which is unjustified- there are just as many creeps on pof and okcupid and at least on tinder you only get messages from men who you have matched with. It cuts down on the millions of messages from men who are 100s of miles away or are (sorry) total trolls.

Bant · 30/07/2017 21:16

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2964783-The-Dating-Thread-119-Summer-days-drifting-away

The dating thread on here has a bunch of people in the same situation as you. Jump in, ask your questions, and get the advice from a few dozen people going through the same stuff as you

Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 21:21

Thanks so much Ada and abyss
I went into this a bit chaotically thinking how hard can it be to find a man who likes me to have sex with as I've had quite a bit of rl attention from married men which I'm totally n utterly not interested in n wanted to just talk to a guy who isn't eyeing me up as a potential illicit affair partner when I can't think of anything I do to give the impression I'm available
I guess the pictures threw me as it makes me feel like that's all that matters when there's a lot more interesting stuff about me - I think - and I'm 4fcking5 and should be past men looking at how I look
So after obv doing rl wrong I wanted to do OLD right - I'll go back armed with rules n not feel sad about guys who think I'm crazy

OP posts:
Original poster
SqueeksAway · 30/07/2017 21:23

Hmm maybe there should be a
Looking to sext but nothing serious option on there

OP posts:
theabysswithin · 30/07/2017 21:27

Agree about trying tinder btw -- its reputation is quite unfair and the fact that you have to match cuts out a lot of dickheads, pervs, married creeps and time-wasters

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