I went on a date yesterday. And I can't stop grinning. But I'm not sire if I should be doing this yet
Ex-h and I officially separated at Xmas after 22 years together and 19 years of marriage. its been as amicable as these things can be - he was an emotionally illiterate workaholic. I got sick of being the supportive and taken for granted wife, told him things weren't working for me, we went to counselling and it became clear he couldn't be bothered to put any effort into our marriage. he only wanted me as long as I did everything he wanted and made no demands on him. which was gutting tbh. But shit happens, and practically we were in an enviable position, and emotionally it turned out not to be too horrendous as we hadn't had an emotional connection for years - if ever.
So he moved out in March after a few months in the spare room whilst he bought a house. We've sorted our divorce and have a nisi and financial settlement and kids (13 & 15) are settling into new routines and whilst obv. affected seem to be coping.
I had no interest in dating. was still at the stage where I am enjoying being me, not having to take anyone else's feelings into account, putting myself first. I had a ridiculously busy few months with the voluntary work I do which has now calmed down and I was planning a period of calm solitude and sorting out my house and garden and self over the next few months.
and then a very nice man asked me out. I've known him (through voluntary work) for a couple of years, but not well - have had nice conversations with him in groups at a few conferences and bumped into him at a few events. But only ever thought of him as a competent colleague whose company I enjoyed. But a couple of weeks ago we were both at a lunch party and after it he asked me if I'd like to go out with him. And I aid yes and we had dinner last night, and whilst much of our conversation was about data geeky stuff that most people would not find romantic at all, it was lovely. And he kissed me and I melted. And I can't stop grinning.
But I didn't want to find a man. I don't know how to date. I never really did it - I used to get drunk at parties and have sex with people and the last time I did that I was 21 and I married him. and then I subsumed myself into his life and whilst I am aware that that's not what normal relationships have to mean I'm very wary of doing it again because that's what I know how to do. And new man has only been separated 4 months, only moved into new place last month, though from the brief background he gave it seems he had been in a dead relationship for a while (though I'm fully aware that his wife may have a different view). looking at it all logically I think its too soon for both of us. But I had such a lovely time, and we have a lot in common, and I felt more of an emotional connection with him in a 3 hour conversation than I ever did with my exh (which I know is probably not real). And he kissed me and I melted. And he messaged this morning with potential dates for lunch this week and my heart leapt. but my head is scared.
what do I do Mumsnet.