To accept absence of affection as normal over time?

[lingoludo]

I grew up with very non-affectionate parents, they were quite contemptuous towards each other over the years. They then separated just as I was leaving home and I couldn't understand why they had waited so long!
Anyway, I also grew up with 2 very affectionate grand-parents, who would even sit on the sofa holding hands whilst they were still alive. My Grandmother even made jokes which implied they had a sex life right until the end!
My own marriage, I thought, was just like my grand-parents had been at the beginning. But post DCs it's become more like my parents, very little affection or sex and my contempt has built up towards DH. Last night we invited friends over to a meal and changing relationships over time became topic of conversation. The consensus seemed to be that we should "accept" than affection disappears in relationships over time. It was the men who had all become less affectionate. I couldn't help but feel saddened that the women around the table were accepting of this, even though all 4 of us yearn for more affection.
Is a lack of affection/intimacy really something we should "accept" after a period of time?

You certainly have to make a more conscious effort as kids etc come along but no, I don't think accepting a lack of affection is something you should do unless you're both happy with it, I certainly wouldn't be.

For me, affection, sex and intimacy are different things. Intertwined but different. So I'm not sure exactly what you feel is missing from your marriage.

My parents were/are similar to yours, my OHs divorced when he was young and his mum was pretty bitter so neither of us had great role models. I think though that because of that we are both paranoid, for want of a better word, what lack of affection could mean or could lead to so no, neither of us would want that as the norm.

I class things like compliments as affection, also thank yous, asking about your day, offering to do a job while you have a brew instead, noticing a job well done, saying you smell nice, asking if your warm enough, comfy enough. He likes that kind of stuff as much as I do.