He has left me hold my hand please

[eve34]

I know you are all going to say it is for the best. Like all relationships we have gone through our ups and downs.

The last 6 months he has been drinking more and more. Not been at home. Been miserable and clearly deeply unhappy.

We have been together 13 years. We have 2 children. I have asked him to spend more time with me. Try and rebuild what we had. He said there is no point as it always ends up the same.

So he has gone to stay with friends. I am broken but have to keep going.

Please be kind. I just want him home. To be the way things use to be.

I'm in a similar position. My husband walked out 3 months ago after 21 years together leaving me with 3 young kids.

There was no arguing and we got on fine like best friends but at the start of the year he started to get distant and eventually admitted he wasn't happy. So he's gone.

I don't mind admitting I'm broken. I was with him longer than without and just never saw it coming. I've had the rug pulled and feel numb inside most days. However, I have the kids to think about so each day I carry on and try not to let it affect them. I'm hoping it will get easier soon.

So, don't be hard on yourself. Do what you need to get through each day. Talk to friends and family and take whatever support you can.

Thank you for replying. I am sorry you have found yourself in this situation.

Hope it is beginning to get easier for you.

I have no idea how I'm going to manage but life goes on. I just want the sick feeling to stop.

How did your children take it.

Thank you. I still feel like I'm just taking being strong to outside world but I get though each day. It must be getting easier as I don't cry myself to sleep every night now.

The kids were fine. They are all under 7 so just sort of accepted that daddy would be living somewhere else. They stay over one night every weekend and sometimes he can manage a night in the week too.

Despite how I feel about him and what he's done, and the fact that I am waiting for an OW to surface, we have kept things amicable for sake of kids

*faking not taking

You are doing a fantastic job. Yes. I am expecting there to be someone else on the side lines. Someone who isnt tied down to kids and family life.

You may find it helpful to have some counselling. Talking through things can really help with clarification and you get to understand yourself better.

It's no good for anyone being in a miserable relationship, especially when only one person wants it to work out.

The one thing I'd advise is not to beg or plead. Just do your best to get on with life and keep conversations related to the children and divorce if applicable.

All to often the spouse who leaves wants to test the waters with another person in the wings, so don't allow yourself to be the fallback option.

Sandy thank you for your kind words. I am split between the being practical and distant to wanting to help I truly think he is depressed and the drinking is taking hold. Although I know I can't fight that battle for him. I want him to know he has something worth fighting for.

I get what you mean eve but you have to look after your own sanity. I have to have contact because of the kids but try to keep to a minimum so that I can try and get over him.

I wondered whether my dh was depressed, he has a very stressful job, but he refuses to accept that it is actually a condition and also point blank refused counselling. I know that he has started drinking at home now (we have never been ones to drink at home unless entertaining) and he's lost loads of weight as I don't think he's eating properly now but it can't be my concern any more than I have expressed concern and been fobbed off.

Your welcome.

If you think there is some depression, could you speak to a family member of his and mention your concern about him.

Thank you for taking time to reply. He has not spoken to family. I have but don't want to say to much as their loyalty will be with him. Although are very supportive of me.

I just have to except his decision and stay focussed. Not easy when you feel like you have had your insides ripped out.

hooefully once we have spoken to the children and (I hope) they cope with the news I will start to feel better. He works away anyway so it won't be much of change for them.

I am just going to pour my heart out here as a safe place. I am broken. I have to keep normal for the kids but I just don't know what the future looks like without him.

I know family life wasn't a happy one and this is going to give the kids a safe and happy home going forward. He made it miserable for all of us. The eye rolling, tutting. And shouting.

We can get cats now. So the kids will be pleased.

I just worry that I won't be there to protect them from his bad moods. How do I empower them to deal with that. They are 10 and 5.

I don't know how I will fill the time the kids aren't with me. I have never been without them. And what about birthdays and Christmas. I just want to weep.

Got to stay strong and give the kids a good stable happy home.

Then deal with money. I'm stuffed on that front too.

oh honey, I feel so much for you.
I split up with the father of my 3 kids about 5 years ago .. we had become distant and I suspected he was still having an affair (I dumped him back in 2003 as I knew our relationship was going nowhere and he was texting another woman). I left him in 2012 and found out the following year he has been seeing her since I first split - we got back together as he swore it was over. I started a new relationship straight away - a guy who seemed to love me and gave me everything that was missing from my ex. turned out 3 years later he was shagging everything he could (im a nurse, he was a porter so had his pick of every desperate slapper in the hospital) so we split a year ago.
at the time I was devastated and wondered how I was ever going to function as a woman again .. but you know what? I came out the other side (only recently) and feel like im on top of the world!!
I have brought up 3 (now older teens) practically on my own .. ex has given me no financial support (that's another story!) but you know what? ive done it all .. by myself .. and you can do the same too!

its incredibly empowering to be able to stand up and say I can do it all myself! ive raised my kids practically single handedly since they were little (he wasn't interested in being a father) and I have raised 3 well adjusted, loving, independent kids!
don't go back .. look to the future ... know you will come out of this stronger and happier. accept there will be days when you don't feel like getting out of bed and just want to cry, but that will pass and you will eventually feel better.
sending you love and hugs, and remember to take advantage of every offer of help and shoulders to cry on xxxxxx

Dear tired. Thank you for your word. You should be very proud of how well your children have turned out. I know it will be ok. It has to be. Just want to coast forward 12 months.