Do men actually want to date young, single mums?

[SingleYoungMummy]

I have been doing online dating for around 7-8 months now, I am 22 years old with a 2 year old son.

So far I have been on a few dates with a couple of different men, and each time they have led me to believe we were heading towards a relationship, we've slept together and then they have gone cold.

I am going on a third date with a 25 year old man tomorrow night and I can't help but feel cynical. I honestly don't understand why a young man, in the prime of his life and career, would want to date a single mum unless he had ulterior motives.

I guess I am looking for happy stories of people meeting whilst already having a child(ren). I feel as though I am going to spend my 20's alone until I am older and men have started to become more mature/have families of their own.

It's not about dating a single mom. Most likely, your experience with those same men on these sights would Br the same if you didn't have a child.

Why men say what they say on the profile. Simple. Marketing.
They say what women want to hear.
Since it's a dating sight, and not Tinder - of course they talk about a relationship.
And, they probably do want one, at some point. But are not in a rush.
Not in a rush to find a steady partner, that is.

Doesn't meant that if they don't meet someone they are really into - that they will not date them properly.

OP - you talk about wanting to find someone to have fun with, and physical intimacy.
That, in itself, may not necessarily mean a long term relationship. And OLD - may not have the kind of young men you are looking for.
Your friends' friends are much more likely to be those men.

In 5-10 years - your peer group will move closer to the age of pairing up. And OLD will have a higher hit rate for you.

MotherPie That is what I am looking for. I do not want to jump into a serious relationship right away. I am just looking for someone to see a few times a week and have fun with.

Josuk I wouldn't say I am looking for 'long term' really... I just want to meet someone and see where it goes. I think the issue is, if I am going to have physical intimacy with someone then I do not expect them to be sleeping with other people - which I think for most guys equals serious relationship territory. I am not willing to be one of many girls they are 'having fun' with.

I think friends' friends are even more unlikely as all of my friends are my age, so they are at university/on placements. Hence why I've been using OLD and looking for someone a bit older.

Ugh. Have sex when you want to, when it makes you feel good, not try to time it to somehow confirm a relationship. There is no special rule that will work. Some guys will wait ages and still ditch after sex, some relationships start from what was supposed to be a one night stand. You can't know what is in someone's mind.

OLD is a bit like a candy shop, so much to choose and always something else to try.

If I were you, I would concentrate on going out with friends and having a good time in your rare nights out. You have all the time in the world for blokes.

I was 28 with a year old DD, I went out with some idiots. I met DH 12 years ago this Sept. DH was 35 but I guess his age wasn't it, he just wasn't an arse.
Married and another DD, and now DGS! His kids and DGS are his life's focus.

DD1 thinks her 'daddy' is the greatest thing in the world. Because he's been there through everything. Last year she told her biological father who contacted her for the first time in 11 years saying I'm your dad and will always love you, "no thanks, I've got a proper dad now"

The right one will come along

DD was 6 when DH and I met not a year

I wouldn't think your problem has much to do with the fact you're a single mum...it's just dating in general, and especially OLD.

I really hope you find someone special. I'm sure you're pretty busy, but wonder if you didn't arrange to get out regularly and do an evening class or something. Try and build relationships face to face? (Easier said than done with a LO, I know).

category12 A lot of my friends are very busy and I am lucky if I get to see them once every couple of months . I wouldn't say I use sex to confirm a relationship as such, but I have never been one for casual sex or one night stands. It is very frustrating when I am told that they are really into me, could see things going further, then we have sex and they ditch. I just feel used and cheap afterwards.

DragonNoodleCake Thank you for sharing, that makes me feel hopeful!!

AnAirborneFluffyWhiteThing I think being a young, single mum has always been an insecurity of mine so perhaps I am projecting that. I have always felt like I have something to prove and show I do not fit a stereotype. I am looking into the class thing, as mentioned I don't get to see my friends much so it would be good to get out and do something on a weekly basis .

I'd just not feel comfortable having a scumbag as a friend on fear they'd target myself or aomeone I cared for -Patricia - life's too short to be friends with someone who you have to watch how they behave.

As a single parent (I'm 45 and dd is 8) i did the OLD for a while and it was really hit and miss.

You sound really strong and focussed and have the right attitude about seeing where it goes.

In my experience some men have a bit of awe around single mums, admiration etc but there are also those who think you are going to accept less than what you deserve. Your job is to work that out I'm afraid!

So that's my biggest tip, be your confident self, don't compromise but also keep an eye out in real life. I am with someone now for a year who was on the sidelines, someone I met through work who I got to know as friends first. Just keep an open mind.

X

Hey, I met my partner when I was 23 and had a 8 month old and a 2.5 yr old and we're still together now 8 months later. I met him through online dating. He was aware from day one about my situation and never once felt like he was using me or in it for a shag. I had to reject a lot of guys though in the run up to meeting my current bf and the whole process sometimes felt draining. You'll get there.

I met my wife when I was 24 and she was a single mum to an eleven month old girl (now my stepdaughter). Strictly speaking we met a few years earlier at work but when I met her for the second time she was a young mum and it was that person I fell almost immediately in love with. She had changed from a bit of a daft young girl to an amazing independent caring mother and I couldn't help but be in awe of her. I still can't.

Why the rush to have a relationship? At least you are having a nice time meeting new people and getting sex from them is an added bonus!

And if the right person comes along then all the better.

You are only 22, you have a little one to take care of but plenty of time to settle down later in life. I'd say play the field for a bit and have fun while you're so young.

Slarti You sound lovely. Thank you for sharing your story!

Some men are just serial shaggers and the internet has enabled it.

It could be hit or miss with intentions, is it worth holding off sex for a bit to see if they stick around or run for the hills.

Based on the antics of some of the dodgy men I know professionally, I would say that OLD is high risk for getting a relationship. However, you have got to be careful as a single parent since some men I work with say the following about their OLD adventures:

Single mothers will put up with a lot to be in a relationship. They hope to find a Dad figure for their kids, and stop the 'broken' home stigma (which is rubbish and outdated...but it is the perception of some people).
Single mothers have dates at home on the cheap. It is more friends-with-benefits.

There is a safeguarding issue with OLD. I never understand why people put pictures of their kids in their profiles. There are clearly some predators on the net looking for vulnerable women with kids to groom etc...probably best to reserve discussions of children until you feel you know them in real life, and never invite them home unless you are very certain of who they are, and what their intentions are. Not just for the kids, but for yourself as well - OLD is a stomping ground for all sorts of weirdo people.

Don't have sex with expectations of more, because OLD is a sweet shop and some men are expects in future taking to get your knickers off....and swiftly move onto the next target.

Not saying OLD is evil, as it clearly works for some people - just be safe and careful.

I divorced a few years ago and live on my own. My son is in his 20s and his own man. My daughter is in Year 8. I see her a couple of times a week. This might sound bonkers but I miss the chaos, destruction, and kicking a ball in the park etc. I'd love to meet someone with young kids. Some of us just love being a dad.

My friend is a 23 year old single mum to her DS (3). She has recently met her new DP, a 27 year old single dad of 3. She has her DS pretty much full time (his dad has him every other Friday/Saturday). Her new DP has his 3 DD's 50/50 with his exdp.

They met on tinder a good few months ago and are really, really happy together.
Maybe give tinder a go?

Delay having sex. I think that's the only way to be sure you're not being taken advantage of.

It's awful that some people do this to single parents but I think that is quite common. My friend falls victim to it quite often.

I am a bit older (late 30s) with 2 DC and it never occurred to me that men somehow take an advantage on single mums. I just feel my strong, confident self and DC have never been an issue (to the right ones). Had met up with about 10 men before meeting my boyfriend, and only slept with him a couple of months into dating, by which time it was clear he sees me as a package (with DC).

I was 29 and DS was 3 when I met DP. We've been together 3 years and are now ttc our first child together.
Not all men are after one thing. You will find the 'one' when you least expect it.

Well I'm not young but my bf is ten years younger than me and is in his mid 20s. He has no dc and isnt bothered that I do.

I didnt meet him online though

Lots of men view single mothers as easy targets so be wary. Also beware of child molesters that use online sites to find mothers with young children to groom and abuse.