Sorry it's a long one .....
Been with husband 18 years and have 3 children 9, 6 and 2 months. We've been together since I was a teenager & he's my only partner I've ever had.
We have always struggled with the issue of him wanting more sex than me, even in the early days when we were at it every day.
Since my first born came along things started to get worse with other problems arising. He said he felt rejected and unloved by me & that he couldn't talk to me about anything because I fly into a rage. He basically wanted more sex but with a young family & the demands that brings, as well as working, I didn't have the same drive. The way he would go about trying to get me to have sex was also very off putting. Pretty much nagging.
I would suggest that he start making more of an effort like booking weekends away e.t.c but he never did.
When my eldest started school I made a group of new friends. This introduced me to new things like Zumba & running. I became close to one of them & would now consider her one of my bestest friends. We had lots in common & I confided in her about my marriage & how pissed off I was. My husband was going on nights out till 5am on some weekends, drinking round the house loads & generally withdrawing from being a family man. I raised this with him but he always justified his behaviour.
Last year I discovered he had a one night stand with a stranger he'd contacted via an online casual hook up site. It completely floored me & unfortunately it was exposed right before we were to go to a family wedding where the kids were in the ceremony. I couldn't go cause I was too upset & obviously we had to tell everyone why.
He moved out and said he didn't want to come back unless I agreed to change. His reasons for doing it? My new friendship - he thinks I was too busy trying to fix her problems, my lack of interest in sex, that he was wanting some excitement, that he was sick of being rejected.
A month later I discovered I was pregnant (he slept with me the day before he visited stranger) so this threw up more complication. He came back and I decided to keep baby (thank god!) and work at things. Although not long in I realised that all the hatred and resentment he had for me before had pretty much doubled because in his eyes he'd been made to look the bad guy to everyone when it was me who was actually the real villain.
2 months after the birth of my beautiful son things are still dire. We argue constantly which he says I'm at 100% fault for and that I am willing things to go wrong. I have terrible anger & I do go berserk when he spouts off.
The past month I have been sent links to sites on how to be better in bed, I've been told I'm making a 'bit' of effort to try and gratify him sexually but that it's not enough. He still refers to my friend constantly 'go one go & tell her' and says that I deserved what happened and I should have expected it. Although he does say it was the wrong thing to do he didn't really have much choice cause he was never going to leave the kids.
Today after being told I need to change my rigid mindset & that my effort to be intimate so far was not very good I flew into a rage & told him it's over for good.
The problem is I'm now petrified that my life is about to free fall. I love him & I'm worried that I am actually as ducked up & deluded as he says I am. I'm just so confused and feel like I can't cope or handle it. My kids lives are about to be turned upside down & I don't think I can be strong enough for them.