Child sleeping in bed used by XH & gf

[Namer]

Just that really..

My ex-H has our DS age 5 twice a week. There have been a few problems but I have maintained the contact. It was agreed he would have his own little bed at XH's flat and to begin with he did.

I have just found out that for the last few weeks this separate bed has disappeared, he now puts DS to bed in his double bed and often shares it with him.

My DS has become very unsettled when at home now and is normally awake and coming in to my room from 1am - 5am. He tells me he is scared to sleep alone now, scared to sleep in a little bed etc etc. We never had any problems like this before.

On top of that XH has a new girlfriend and uses this same bed with her on the nights that DS isn't there. My X was never a clean person at the best of times, if I ever had to stay with him I was absolutely revolted by the state of his bed sheets, they were rarely washed, I don't believe he is changing them regularly for my son to use now (not that he has even claimed to do that).

AIBU to think my child should have his own bed? Money is no object to XH. He refuses to listen or acknowledge anything I say.

You're absolutely not unreasonable. I had a similar issue myself. But the hard truth is that there's nothing we can do about it if they refuse to put it right because how they are cared for while with the other parent is the responsibility of the other parent. It's hard though.

I think the distruption to his sleep patterns because he's not sleeping alone there would be my issue. If he's there regularly he should be sleeping in a bed by himself. I'd think I'd tackle it that way rather than because his gf may or may not have slept in the sheets.

Thanks for the reply. I just think it is absolutely disgusting, it is obviously unsettling our DS and it is really upsetting. 😞

If it went to court he would be expected to provide ds with his own bed.

Maybe send a sleeping bag for ds if that would help you feel more unscratchy about things!!

I thought his girlfriend may have some standards but unfortunately doesn't seem to. She has gone and got in the bed while my DS is still there in the afternoon, XH has then rushed him, dropped back home to me without his school uniform or bits he needs etc and been 'unavailable' for the next couple of hours when I was asking where his stuff was. Clearly busy in the 'communal' bed 😞

Hi need, we arranged access agreements in Court. XH told them that he would have his own bed. He has since ditched that bed.