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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think my marriage is over...

16 replies

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 11:19

So DH and I have been married for 14 months and currently expecting our first child together.

He's been quite stressed lately and doesn't seem like himself (a bit down and snappy).

When we argue he will stop talking to me for a few days which is hell in the house.

I text him yesterday following an argument over lost keys! (Actually not an argument, he shouted and stormed out of the house) and basically said I'm not having this atmosphere around the house (and the kids- I have one DD from a previous relationship) so either sort your head out or go.

Today he has tried to justify himself saying all couples argue- which I agree with but said that's not the problem it's the atmosphere in the house that I can't cope with.

I've told him in trying to support him but he doesn't seem happy in the relationship and that's why he's snapping etc. He said he's not happy and if it wasn't for the baby he would be gone. I'm not sure if this is said in anger but has obviously hurt me badly.

He's normally so lovely and supportive but the situation currently has put loads of pressure on us both ( hopefully all will be well in a few months) and rather than us sticking together it's tearing us apart.

I don't want my marriage to be over, I love my husband, I just want him back to his old self!

Not quite sure what I can do, I'm so hurt right now Sad

OP posts:
Mummamayhem · 29/07/2017 11:24

It seems quite a leap to say, that's it marriage over. He's obviously stressed about something and maybe he needs to speak with his doctor/good friends and you to offer him support.

Acknowledge that right now things are rubbish but that you want to support each other through it.

Maybe he could go stay elsewhere for a couple of days break or you could?

MorrisZapp · 29/07/2017 11:27

What isn't he happy about?

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 11:34

He just said he's not happy in general.

This is just the latest in a long line of arguments, generally he will just completely ignore everyone for a few days but yesterday I snapped and told him to just go if he is not happy. Then he replied that if it wasn't for the baby he would walk out the door, which makes me feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 29/07/2017 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 29/07/2017 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 11:38

I have sat and talked to him this morning when he made the comment about staying for the baby.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 29/07/2017 11:39

How long have you been with him?

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 11:41

On and off about 8 years, married for 14 months.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 29/07/2017 11:43

So you know each other quite well!

Why did yous seperate before?

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 11:44

Just things weren't right at the time, always been amicable he's always been a friend and supportive to me.

OP posts:
TwoBusyCnuts · 29/07/2017 11:47

He doesn't want to be with you anymore. You've said it yourself. He's staying as you're pregnant but i doubt he'll stick around in the long term. He's a twat. You'd be better off on your own.

MorrisZapp · 29/07/2017 11:50

Sorry but it sounds like he wants out but doesn't want to do the dirty work of actually ending the relationship. I'd be tempted to turn the tables. Tell him it's over and ask him to leave.

That might focus his mind a bit.

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 12:07

Yes considering he is still sulking round the house it seems that's the case. Sad

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/07/2017 17:20

When he's calmed down talk again. If your baby is truly his only reason for staying, then I'd be done.

I much rather end it and move on, than waste years in a marriage when my husband doesn't love me and is only staying because of the child.

Because if he goes and cheats, you can't say you didn't know he was unhappy after that horrible comment.

Moanyoldcow · 29/07/2017 17:34

I wouldn't want anyone to be with me just because of a child, that would be enough for me to end it if he's serious.

Have you had a really serious conversation? As Euphemia said, 'generally unhappy' is bollocks. Has he got work issues? Fallen out of love? Depression? This can't have come from nowhere?

Incidentally, this is the 3rd thread today where partners are treating pregnant OHs like utter shit. Don't allow this poor treatment - you're worth more than that.

ziggzagg · 29/07/2017 19:05

Thank you ladies! He's in work at the moment. I've put DD with my mum so I can have a good talk to him when he gets home.

Just wish I could drown my sorrows with a nice cold G&T! Will have to make do with shit food and cake!

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