How to be good enough by yourself

[Onmyownnow000]

Has anyone successfully made the shift from wanting a family to just being happy on their own?

I am desperate and so sad. Dh left after it became apparent that it will be very hard for me to have children. I always wanted a family of my own, but I guess I can't blame dh for leaving although it broke my heart.

Everyone around me is getting married and having children. I can't walk the dog in the park without getting jealous of all the families having picnics, playing frisbee etc.

I am at a loss with where to turn my life. I've got a good job and a house and very few but really good friends. It's all good on the surface but there is this emptiness in me.

How can I be good enough just on my own? I feel stuck and still love him, even a year later, and STBXH has started dating again I've heard. Why does he get to be happy?

You're focusing on what might have been rather than what could be. Living in the past, ruminating over what was and getting upset when you learn your ex has moved on are all very human reactions to loss so be kind to yourself.
Maybe, its time for you to move on now and think hard about where you want to be...say, this time next year.
Have you thought about adoption? or fostering? Have you considered taking a year out and travelling or doing voluntary work overseas? Or maybe joining a walking group or going on an organised singles holiday?
The world can be your oyster if you let it. And you can leave the past behind and look forward to the future when you have a plan. Get a plan OP and enjoy life. We're on this earth such a short time.

I made the shift from wanting the family to being a single mum. I am happy and realised that it's just the expectation to comply to social concepts that can make us unhappy.

Longer term could you see yourself having a child in your own if it's that you really want?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You say 'very hard' to have dc. So would ivf be an option for you? Or adoption? Or would you prefer to give up the idea of dc altogether?

There are lots of couples who choose not to have dc and are happy.

Perhaps do some counselling to deal with your grief over the news on your infertility and the loss of the relationship?

I guess I can't get over the fact that he just walked away. I mean we were married, how can you walk away so easily? There would have been options like ivf etc but he couldn't even bothered to try.

It feels as if I'll never get over it. I'm trying to keep busy, hobbies etc. but nothing seems to work. I feel pathetic.

Counselling might be good for me. I just feel so lonely

I think it sounds like he was using the fertility issues as an excuse. He didn't want to be married anymore.

He's not the person you thought he was, he wasn't invested in your future and probably lied about the reasons. For your own sake you need to see him for what he is.

Yes therapy or counselling is a really good thing to do. I did it to help me get over an abusive relationship a few years ago. It's a very positive thing to do and might help you work out what you want to do next x

Thank you. Did the counsellor talk through strategies on how to stop the ruminating? Think about nothing else all day.

I once knew a woman in a similar situation to you. Made worse with the fact her infertility was due to life long fight with cancer.

However, same woman ended up meeting an amazing new man , got engaged , fell pregnant naturally with their baby and had a healthy happy boy.

Its always hard when a relationship breaks down and even worse when you are dealing with other issues too . Please kind to yourself and give your self a chance to meet someone else at your own pace. Huggs

Actually yes but the thing that really stopped my mind churning pointlessly over the past was reading the book "the power of now" I still benefit from that several years in.

Thank you. I will try to be more positive. Maybe I have just gotten used to wallowing.