Living with family?

[user1499288566]

Would you live with your other halfs family just to save getting your own place

No

If I got on very well with them, had plenty of opportunities for time away (friends for the weekend... active social life) had a very definite time frame, and it was going to make a critical difference (not just cut a few months of saving out) then I'd consider it.

Otherwise... NO!

Oh - and also knew my partner would back me without question if I said "can't do this" part way into the period.

No!
I get on brilliantly with my OH's family but at the end of the day it's their house. Everyone needs their own space and I don't want to spend more money trying to stay out of the way

It's been hanging over me for years my oh wants to go back to the family home, it's his dad's on a plot of land, he on about sharing it with his dad and sister and her family and making it into two houses joined in the middle, but I just carnt I don't think it's good to be on top of family like that I really don't, I get this sick feeling around it, ppl I ask say they wouldn't want it, only thing is he won't sign up for anything else I'm in my own rented place at mo he works away all week anyway, but we have a child and I would like proper family home, but don't think I'm gonna get it , think our relationship is done tbh unless I go ahead cuz he won't give up the idea it's there or nothing in his eyes , but on side note I think it's wrong to do that to someone and not have choice relationships should be 50 50

I'm sorry, my brain focused on the word "save" and I thought you meant temporarily whilst saving for you own place!

I can understand why he wants to - if it makes a huge difference to housing costs. Are these properly semi detached houses planned?

It wouldn't be for me, but plenty of people live very close to family.

So would it actually be you living with his family while he works away?

Even if he was there I still wouldn't live with his family.

And even if every person who responds and everyone you know in real life says they would live with their ILs, if it doesn't suit you, don't do it!!

My dream has always been to CHOOSE a home the location the house like any other women , we love stuff like that, it's ment to go ahead at some point as in making them into two semis, but I don't know why we carnt stand on our own two feet in our own home , he would still get half in the future , don't mean to sound morbid , but I just mean we wouldn't be paying off mortgage forever one day we would both get help from family if you get me, he just won't drop it , and I think I'm gonna loose my relationship over this , which hurts cuz I feel I should mean more, I want my dreams to count not live for Someone else's, am i wrong ? Just want my own space, he says we will they will be separated, but they won't every time your in garden every time you leave come home etc every tiff they will prob hear tbh being joined, just don't want any of it , plus I wanted to be nearer my own family as they are great support with lil one , should I just tell him to go do what make a him happy and me do same? Cuz what's the point in carrying on to part later

I did, twice.
First time for nine months while we saved a deposit for our first home. And then five years later when that first home sold and the new one we were buying was delayed.
Yes, it is hard, but it teaches tolerance, saves money and if you have a good relationship it may work.

We don't have a solid relationship hun otherwise maybe I would try , and it's not to save it's perm, he never wants to give it up for him that's it

His sister can stir stuff iv experienced , keep her at arms length, and his dad has lived alone for years , set in his ways, one of these who is terribly hard to talk to, convo don't flow easy with him , just all screams no to me

"we (women) love stuff like that" - leave out the sexist nonsense, every man I know cares about where they live.

It doesn't sound you live together now - you refer to "my own rented place", not that you as a couple rent. You make it sound like he just stays over when he's not away working.

I think you're right to say no - it would only work for a few people. Just get on with saving up for your own dream.

Wasn't being sexiest and I no men like stuff like that too but as a women I can only speak from women's side , and my dream is to pick my own place that I get good feel for

I did for a few years. Even with cultural differences, it went amazingly smoothly.

It helped that we had our own living room, bathroom and (obviously) bedroom. The only communal room was the main living room and the kitchen. I think i would have wanted to move out earlier if we were in a smaller house.

Yeah, that's your dream. You can't speak for all women just because you're a woman.
It is enough to say that you dream of picking out a house, you don't have to add nonsense like "like any other women, we love stuff like that".
My home is really important to me, my sister doesn't care and didn't even view the house her husband chose.

So - it's your dream. Chase it. You don't sound happy with him at all. So leave him to his dad and sister commune, and get saving for a deposit!

I just get horrible feeling towards the place

Thanks

There's no way I'd do what your dp is suggesting. Don't do it, you would resent him for making you. He needs to compromise, as do you I suppose.

I also can imagine all sorts of legal hell with a plan like this, if you split up or he dies.

I lived with my first in-laws for a year. Hated it! Always on top of one another and they had their way of doing things and I had mine. Caused a lot of arguments and when we moved out we got along fine! It just depends on if they're easy to get along with in the first place. If not then I wouldn't do it