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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adult brother acting like a teenager.

5 replies

Freakindeakin · 29/07/2017 05:11

Sorry if this is long winded as don't want to drip feed.

Bit of background, DB (30) is clever, funny very practical and is loving and generous. He has always lived a transient lifestyle and relied on my parents to some extend and struggled with drug use in the past, sometimes heavy which I think has contributed to some underlying MH issues which haven't been addressed. As a result he has moodswings, generally feels the world owes him something, has a disregard for other people's views and can't seem to see what is acceptable behaviour so is very hard to live with.

Just lately his anger has been irrationally directed towards DM, and were all treading on eggshells around him.

Parents in the past have tried to help and have supported him but he has avoided any professional advice. With parents help he got qualifications and managed to get a well paid job and things were looking up for him.

Then recently it all went wrong, he has given up his job, been evicted for not paying his rent and has no money in the bank and now seems to have decided to move back with parents. He hasn't asked them if he can and isn't contributing anything to household. Just stayed one evening in his old room, which he did occasionally anyway, and hasn't left. He avoids all conversations about it and just makes himself scarce whenever it's mentioned.

He is obviously struggling with life in general and seems to have lost interest in everything. On top of the many issues, parents are due to go away for a month, they obviously don't want to leave him without anywhere to stay but also don't want to give him keys and money for food, which is what he would need.

Poor parents are in despair and don't know what to do... Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/07/2017 06:28

It's time for some very tough love before he destroys your entire family. Your parents need to kick him out, and none of you should give him one more cent. It's time for him to figure out his own life, and he will never do that so long as he has all of you to call back on. No matter what his problems are, no one can fix them but him.

AddToBasket · 29/07/2017 06:40

How long are they on holiday for? And what is the problem with leaving him in the house?

It seems to me that the job issue is more relevant than the housing one. Once he has a job he can get a place of his own. But your parents must insist.

Changedname3456 · 29/07/2017 06:55

They can give him a key now and then change the locks when they get back. If I were them I'd be giving him a deadline of the month they're away to sort out a job and alternative accommodation.

He can't be allowed to run away from these conversations. It's not doing anyone (including him) any good.

Northernparent68 · 29/07/2017 08:04

I would nt get involved, your parents have allowed, maybe even enabled, this situation to occur, they can resolve it

Freakindeakin · 30/07/2017 04:04

Thanks for taking the time to reply, it's good to see there is a general consensus of opinion, let's hope DB can put his ass into gear and get himself sorted out!

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