How do you help someone leave and abusive relationship?

[askedforhelp]

Hi,

I have had someone reach out to me, admitting they have been in an abusive relationship for two years. The partner was arrested by the police a year ago, but she changed her statement after the fact, as she was worried about taking the abuser away from his children (not hers).

In the last month she was hospitalised with concussion, caused by him.

She is not yet ready to leave him, she is too fearful to leave as he has threatened her family members as well as her.

But the fact that she rang me, tells me she is nearly ready to leave him, but does not know how to.

What small steps can I give her to do, in order to get ready to leave?

She has no children herself. The house is hers, he is living with her for years.

I will be able to go to visit her in two weeks time, I don't suppose she will be ready to leave at that point, but I would also like to be ready to help if she is.

Thanks

Thank you for replying, it is the "plan" that I need help with, I have looked on the woman's aid website, and that has given me some idea of making a safety plan, but just wondering if there are any further suggestions here.

She rang tonight very frightened. I want to just offer her some simple steps she can take to prepare, for if she does chose to leave.

Thank you, yes I was going to suggest to her to pack a bag, I am not sure where she can store it. As is typical, she has lost all her friends due to this person isolating her. Her mother lives locally, but he has told her that he "knows ways to make her disappear, so no-one will find her", so my friend is fearful for her mother's safety too. I live in a different country, so I can't help in that way.

She said that the police don't believe her latest report (because that is what the abuser told her). She has someone from a domestic violence counselling team, set up by the police, contacting her regularly she said. And from other things she said, I can tell that the police do know what is happening. But she has to get to a time where she is not fearful for her own safety and that of her family. I don't think she feels that the police can help.

It is the threats against her mum that is keeping her where she is, she said that she could cope with everything he does to her, but she could not cope if he attacked her mum. How do I talk to her about this?

Agree with the pp that she needs to report the recent attacks to the police. My situation was different to your friend's but I was amazed at what the police were able to do for me, when my assault was so minor in relation to those you hear about. STBXH gave me a little shove, albeit with verbal abuse, and I didn't think for a second that they would give him more than a slap around the wrists. But they took it very seriously, taking years old incidents into account, and convicted him (he got a fine). Importantly though I now have a restraning order, which has given me peace and time to sort my head out.

I know it is difficult to get her to believe that the police will act on it, but they really will. If he is making threats against her family, then maybe she can get a restraining order to cover him contacting her or any of her family?

I should also point out that STBXH breached his RO and now has a second conviction for this, so they do take it very seriously indeed.