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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to cope when your partner has cheated on you

45 replies

Zoila15 · 28/07/2017 16:54

Hi all. Posting on here because I am going crazy at the moment with the heartache and all the emotions that go through my head. I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. She contacted me on messenger and sent me screen shorts of their WhatsApp messages which indicate that they have been seeing each other for at least three months behind my back. Also, all the dates on these messages seem to coincide with the time that we were not together. My heart desperately refuses to believe that it is true but my head is full of facts. I tried talking to him about it but he refused to discuss anything, didn't want to look at the messages and said that she is making it all up. I am extremely upset and can't eat or sleep properly. It all happen 3 days ago. I love him but obviously I need to trust to be able to carry on with his relationship. We haven't broken up yet. I just don't know how to cope with this all. We are both in our 40s and I did develop strong feelings for him. Will I get over it? Please, if anybody has been in a similar situation , how did you cope? Any advice/thoughts would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 28/07/2017 21:47

You need to leave him. Staying with him will just make you feel worse, not being able to trust him, having to question everything he does, it will mess your head up.

Your relationship is similar to what I had with my ex, got very serious very quickly, now looking back I can see that it was crazy, that he did not love me and tat he wanted to control me. I'm pleased I ended it when I found out he was cheating, yes it was very upsetting and hard but I'm getting over it and I deserve so much better, you deserve better, walk away. 5 months ago you didn't need this guy, you don't need him now either.

anxiousnow · 29/07/2017 00:22

Bless you op. I once said to a friend "but i don't want it to be broken" her reply "it already is" sadly this is true here.

squirreltrap · 29/07/2017 00:31

You don't live together, have children or any ties. And he's been cheating on your for over half the time you have been together.

He's not that into you. And you shouldn't be into him. He's literally pointless. He's promised you the earth and delivered precisely the opposite

If you don't dump and block him, I'd suggest you are a person who thrives on drama and has very low self esteem, which won't get any better while you are with someone who treats you like dirt.

TheNaze73 · 29/07/2017 07:26

Dump him OP.

Declarations of love after such a short time would be enough for most, let alone the cheating. Show yourself, some self respect and end it now

TwoBusyCnuts · 29/07/2017 07:34

Ditch the loser. You're not this desperate for a man, are you?

Cleavergreene · 29/07/2017 07:44

Dump his arse.

theabysswithin · 29/07/2017 10:36

Sorry, this is a no brainer. Leave him now -- you don't have to "cope" with anything. I'm surprised you're even having to ask. You've been with him no time, you don't know him from Adam. Anyone can make declarations of love, it means nothing. He's demonstrated himself to be a liar and a cheat and should not be anywhere near your children.
Salvage your self respect, dump him and make a clean break.

Original poster

Zoila15 · 02/08/2017 13:22

Dear all, yesterday I sent him the message saying that the relationship is over and he can pick up his stuff. He wanted to know why! I told him I didn't know where to start!!! He said he had enough because I "got obsessed assuming that he was cheating". He turned up on my doorstep within 30 minof me sending him the message, was very cross and said that all he did was to send a few stupid messages and pictures and was swearing that he never went to see that woman and that they never had sex. He still couldn't explain the dates and timing of WhatsApp messages that all made sense to me and gave me the picture. He said that I was making a mistake and that I would regret it as he hadn't done anything. He did, however, admit to sending her one intimate picture of himself (which she sent to me) and said that he really regretted it and it was stupid if him. I ended the relationship and now feel all over the place.

OP posts:

XJerseyGirlX · 02/08/2017 13:32

OP, 5 months isn't a long relationship. Lucky this woman told you what kind of guy he is early on. Get rid of this cheating liar.I have an awful feeling your gonna go back to him... please don't!

Lovemusic33 · 02/08/2017 14:40

OP, he sounds just like my ex, maybe he is my ex , he is lying. Pack his stuff up and leave it outside for him to collect. You have known him 5 months, a relationship at this stage shouldn't be like this, it will only get worse believe me, I put up with it for over a year and it destroyed me. Be strong and get rid, I wish I had listened to people on here when I was writing similar OP's .

user1488575338 · 02/08/2017 15:10

My god.... he's acting like a 19 year old boy not a man in his 40's!!! Delete and move on.

Original poster

Zoila15 · 02/08/2017 16:09

He's already picked up his stuff; was very cross and accused me of cheating on him!

OP posts:

user1488575338 · 02/08/2017 16:18

He's just trying to project his own shit onto you. What an utter knob.

Lovemusic33 · 02/08/2017 16:24

Sounds about right. My ex did the same. Just be pleased that it only lasted 5 months and you got to see his true colours early on. He sounds like a great catch ( not)

Collidascope · 02/08/2017 16:42

Euch. I bet he was cross. Clearly amazed that you didn't agree with him that he was God's gift and it would be a waste for him to limit himself to one woman. Well done, OP. You know from his behaviour that he's a small, crusty turd and you're better off out of it.

RhubardGin · 02/08/2017 16:48

He proposed to me, was always so loving and caring, got on with my kids really well, met my friends etc I met his son etc

Wow! That's very intense for 5 months. You barely know him and obviously this has been proven right.

Sorry OP but I would advise walking away

RhubardGin · 02/08/2017 16:49

Sorry, cross post!

You've done the right thing

thefuryroad · 02/08/2017 17:27

Read this website www.chumplady.com He's angry at you because you're calling him out on his bullshit, because he wants to have sex with 2 women at once, because he wants your insecurity, attention and to control you. You are 100% doing the right thing, if he's not sorry then you can't forgive him can you?

SandyY2K · 02/08/2017 17:34

He is projecting his cheating on to you and he's pissed off that you don't believe his lies.

Why continue a relationship with someone you can't trust.

magoria · 02/08/2017 17:47

You were together five months.

For three of those months he was messing around with another woman.

During those times you were not together? You had split up?

So he was only faithful and not messing you around for a maximum of 8 weeks!

Can you imagine how shit this would have been if it had gone on any longer?

And finally please consider a trip to an STI clinic you don't really know what he has been up to.

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