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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Made a complete mess of things and don't know what to do

5 replies

Dancedancedancedancetotheradio · 28/07/2017 11:25

I know I'm going to get raked across the coals here but here goes:

DH is a kind, hardworking man but for years we've been unhappily married. Communication is scant. Mostly because I've been preoccupied with being a mum to our LO, helping and then losing my DD to dementia and now needing to care for my DM who is chronically ill. I've been spread so thinly, I can no longer cope. DH also has condition that appears to be worsening. When I try to help him he'll yell at me. The wall gets bigger. Our marriage feels v lonely right now....and so I made a huge mistake.

I've always gone to the local market and one of the (married) traders flirted with me something chronic. I thought it was the usual marketman flirting banter and was flattered by it but naively thought it was all jokey. When I had an inkling it was not I stopped going to the market. The banter had also turned into friendship where we'd talk about our jobs and confided about losing one of our parents. I hadn't gone for many months and then I found myself there a few days ago. He asked for my number. I stupidly gave it to him.

A few days later we spent 5 hours messaging. Again just confiding about life. So much connection. He then made it clear he wanted a full blown affair. I said I couldn't. I didn't want my DH or his DW getting hurt. I think he's upset as he's not been in touch since.

This has been so exhausting. I'm very upset. To be honest I think it's all my fault. I've made so many mistakes. I've tried to rebuild marriage but DH is in denial and refuses to go counselling. Such a bloody mess. I liked the OM. But I know even in flirting, giving him my number, confiding in him, I've done such wrong. I don't know what to do anymore. My head is a state and I just feel incredibly sad. I tried to look after everyone but I'm failing and now I've made a massive mistake. What the hell have I done? I wish OM had never spoken to me ever. Sad

OP posts:
TriHard27 · 28/07/2017 11:32

Please don't beat yourself up. You've stopped in it's tracks where weaker people than you would have continued. What do you want to do now?

MyheartbelongstoG · 28/07/2017 11:34

You think he's upset because you said no and that's why he has stopped speaking to you! Lol

How old are you!

Ffs op, you fell for his banter and when you didnt drop your knickers he dropped you and has moved on.

No doubt there are others.

Dancedancedancedancetotheradio · 28/07/2017 11:38

Trihard....tbh I just want to run away...this can't be my life. My dh and dm just yell at me whenever i try to help them. And yes, I'm naive, i did think the other guy wanted more than a fling with me and that maybe for once in my life someone wanted more than just what they could take from me. I'm aware what an idiot I've been.

OP posts:
MyheartbelongstoG · 28/07/2017 11:52

Can you get some support at home because of your husband's condition?

Do you ever get time to yourself?

Dancedancedancedancetotheradio · 28/07/2017 11:54

Husband doesn't want support. He's in denial. I am the one chasing up his consultants etc. And as for time to myself....what's that rare invention?

OP posts:
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