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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Quick poll: How many of you had relationship problems between Mummy and Daddy after the birth of your first child together?

15 replies

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 11:42

OP posts:

Overrun · 27/03/2007 11:44

your thread title is a bit confusing NJ, but I got there in the end. I am pretty sure that most couples go through some difficult times. Lack of sleep tends to mean more arguments for one thing.
Hope that you resolve your difficulties between you and your dp soon

NotReadThread · 27/03/2007 11:44

Are you OK?

Original poster

NatalieJane · 27/03/2007 11:45

Sorry, feeding baby, not thinking very well!

No problems between me and DH now, this is our second, just asking for someone else...

OP posts:

munz · 27/03/2007 11:47

yep, well we're finaly back on track just about and J's a year - the physical was the last thing to come back on track had a teething probs to start out thou.

NotReadThread · 27/03/2007 11:47

Oh, OK.
Luckily not had relationship problems, but I can see how DH might have felt a bit neglected at first. He had to pretty much fend for himself for the first three months - thankfully he is perfectly capable.

Jacobsdad · 27/03/2007 11:59

Yep - we have. From a blokes point of view its a very very strange time with all sorts of mixed emotions (mostly great but some not so!)

My wife is great and gives me space if I need it but in the same breath I can be pushed to the side when all I want to do is help out.

We expected it to be like it is in books and films and im sure it is for some but not us.

The main thing is we have a beautiful healthy son and I know that one day we will discover eachother again.

Debbsyandson · 27/03/2007 12:10

thanks for this nj
jacobsdad very good to hear a male point of view as im tearing my hair out with dh it resolves itself for a couple of weesk then its the same again bitching snapping and argueing

trice · 27/03/2007 12:14

It's a very tricky time. Hard work and not much fun IMO. My advice is to hold on tight and wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Debbsyandson · 28/03/2007 08:42

thanks

rookiemum · 28/03/2007 15:38

Buy your friends Babyshock the book. It explains it all brilliantly and really helped me to understand that most people go through problems for the first few months.

We are now loved up again and DS is one year old today, alhtough we still have our hairy moments like when DH got in late last night because he forgot it was my turn to go out swimming, but thats minor stuff and we love each other to bits.

lucyellensmum · 28/03/2007 15:56

debsyandson - SNAP - we are the same, how spooky is that, we had a relationship that was "perfect" before the little one came along 18 months ago, since then its changed, we now argue bitch and snap all the time, then it comes to a head, we talk, we threaten to split, realise we love each other and carry on. I'm hoping it gets better because my dd is like a dream come true, shes my little star, and her daddy worships her, so why then aren't we deleriously happy like it says we should be in the manual - oh, there isnt one. I think its made worse because we were together for 15 years before our little surprise.

Debbsyandson · 29/03/2007 21:57

Lucyellen that is how we are two steps forward 3 steps back.Like today dh has bee off work we had a lovely day tonight argueing again.

whywhywhy · 29/03/2007 22:11

massive problems
my depression, him feeling overwhelmed by my demands and ds's
We were constantly about to split up until ds was 2, and things got easier.

We are having no. 2 in a matter of days and are prepared for it all to blow up again but at least we now know what is likely to happen to us.

sexylady · 30/03/2007 19:02

i agree with the other message re lack of sleep especially with your first child.

keep communicating too about problems, we found our parents the biggest problem (both being gp's for the first time)
ds is now 14 months and things between us are great, dh gets included in everything he wants to be included in.

i did read that it takes 18 months for your body & mind to recover after giving birth so you can't be too hard on yourself and expect everything to go smoothly.

Jennylee · 30/03/2007 21:08

had problems when baby was born but are okay now and he is 8.

I did not get enough help and support from dh , he was jealous and neglected a(apparently) and found the change of identity and responsibility of being a father really difficult at first but always loved the baby, started to improve when ds was around 2 years old, but the first year was the worst lol, lots of friends I had well 90 per cent of them split up after the baby was born in the first 2 years so we were lucky to make it, but I was in a youngish age groups of early 20's so don't know if that had an impact, being younger.

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