Self-pitying moan

[Mysocalledlife123]

H has started divorce proceedings and I'm suddenly a teary mess again. Separated one year but suddenly I feel right at the beginning. Anxious, stressed, I cry daily. Everyone seems to have moved on except for me. He's happy without me. I still feel stuck in my thoughts and can't see how I be ever happy again. I still think about it every day. No dc and I feel so alone. In my thirties, I'm scared I'll be alone forever. I know only I can drag myself out of this but I am lacking the motivation.

I hate being the odd one out, I hate being the only single person at social gatherings. I hate my life.

I don't know how to make it through the divorce.

No need to reply, just wanted to get this off my chest.

Did you want to talk about the divorce and what brought it on?

Can you join some meetup groups?
I've just joined a couple in my area after a recent split.
meetup.com often have older single groups.
Worth a try?
Even stick yourself on Tinder to meet new people?

Why are you getting divorced? Sorry to hear you are going through this.

So sorry you're feeling down. I know this will take a bit of emotional work but try not to see "being alone" as the end of your world. We should all strive/aspire to be fulfilled and happy in ourselves ad see a partner as something that enhances our life, not as some sort of essential without which we are somehow incomplete or cannot be happy.
Get yourself out there. Make new friends, take advantage of your new freedom and have some fun. In time, you may well meet someone who deserves you and is worth you committing to. As a fifty-something I can assure that our thirties are very far from the end of Life's road. You have so much more to experience you wouldn't believe it but in 20 years time you will look back and realise I am right.

Thank you everyone. I wasn't expecting any replies.

He just turned around in bed to me on Saturday morning and said 'This is not what i want'. Within 2 weeks he had chucked in his job and had gone traveling across Europe. He came back 3 months later and moved his stuff out of the house. No explanation, no contact. Not a word except for communication about the house. I don't even know where he lives now. I just want a few answers. Now the divorce papers on grounds of my unreasonable behaviour.

It broke my heart. We were together 13 years, married for 7, and ttc.

The thing is, I've been trying to do all the things that are mentioned on here. Am forcing myself to be sociable, picked up a new hobby to get me out of the house, I am redecorating to make the house my own (I was able to buy him out). But still, i just feel as if I am not really partaking in my life anymore, I just go through the motions. The recurring question in my head is
'Why?'

Oh and while he was away he send me a postcard. He apologised for what he had done, told me he loved me but that he doesn't think we belong together.

I feel for you OP. It took me good 4 years to get over my exH leaving, coming back, cheating and leaving again. There were moments when I wanted to die and only my DD kept me from doing sth. stupid.
Now I am back to square 1 in a way... as things with someone really special to me just ended after 7 months.
My advice? You must remember you will be happy again. Because you will, although you might not feeling it now. I loved exH so much, over 10 years together... didn't think I will ever feel happy and special and loved again... and it did happen this year, it still was in me. The fact that it ended too soon is another matter....
Grieving is a funny process, it is individual, sometimes you walk in circles... you think you are better but then something hits you, a memory, longing, questions... and you are back to the initial phases of suffering and denial. Don't let anyone ever suggest that you are not 'moving on' fast enough. It will take as long as it needs to take.

All the things that you are doing, distractions, hobbies, getting out of the house, redecorating... all are good. They take some time and keep your mind a bit away (as often not possible fully away) from analysing, overthinking, obsessing. But it is still OK to feel shit and wallow... this is what I did last week, this week I am slightly better, had a couple of nice gatherings that didn't depress me but actually did make me feel better...but I am sure I will be back to hopeless sadness again.
Remember that your life is not over yet. You will make it.
I am almost 40, my dream would be to have a normal family, loving partner, and one more child. Age wise ... it is unlikely that all components of that dream will come true. I am a mum already which I would never trade for anything but the truth is it does limit my options and flexibility in terms of finding a life partner.

Try to think about your situation as something that gives you almost endless possibilities - you are free and responsible only for yourself. I wish you all the best and hope you make a great use of that freedom one day.
And in the meantime I join you in wallowing phase... just got a whatsapp message and again... it is NOT from HIM. Jesus, it has been a month sice I last saw him and it fucking still hurts and I miss him so much.
So that's about my 'better' moment for today, it is over.

Start looking forward op. If you must think about your ex allow yourself five minutes each day at 5pm then stop!

You will be happy again but you need to let the past go.

Accept that the relationship was t what he wanted and be thankful he was honest with you, I actually think he deserves respect for that - at least he did t go off with OW

Onwards and upwards

mytea, sorry you are going through this.

Thanks, I'm trying to look positively into the future. Just never thought I'd be where I am now and it gets too much every now and again.

You are young enough to have a family with someone a bit more deserving.
50% of the population is single, you are not alone!
Meetup is fab. Get hobbies, sports and ways to fill your time.
Reframe the divorce as a new start for you...an exciting adventure that can take you anywhere, and you can meet anyone.