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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How did you meet someone new?

31 replies

MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 20:47

Hoping this will be lightheartened...I am still in the early days of splitting from long term abusive ex and am slowly finding my feet/ focussing on my children/ starting to feel happy and free.

Just wondered how and where people have met their new 'loves' !? Obviously not a priority in these early days but I'm hopeful for the future. I'm feeling particularly laden with emotional baggage/ kids/ ex etc and cannot imagine anyone wanting to "take me on"!

Hoping people can share some of their happy endings to give me hope!

OP posts:
lookatmenow · 26/07/2017 21:02

Work. I'm an old cliche Wink

Original poster
MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 21:05

That's good! I'm limited for options on that front....mostly women!

I met someone in B&Q today and thought he seemed nice! (Normal!!)

OP posts:
TangledSlinky · 26/07/2017 21:17

Online after wading through a lot of weirdos! He lived 10 minutes from me and we had a bunch of mutual friends...no idea how we hadn't met before to be honest. It was simple from day one and several years later it still just works Smile

Original poster
MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 21:19

Thanks for sharing Tangled. That's really refreshing! So pleased touve found a good un. It's the weirdo wading that terrifies me..and thought of putting myself 'out there'. Probably just not ready!

OP posts:
JK1773 · 26/07/2017 22:44

Unbelievablely Facebook. He's someone I vaguely knew at school Grin

StarHeartDiamond · 26/07/2017 22:51

Uni. Work. Work. Work. Smile

It helps to be in a large multi national with a load of the type of guys I happen to like (professionals, uuslly well educated although I don't care about educated for qualification's sake; it's more about shared experiences/expectations of life etc.

However my cousin, who is similar to me would say bars/clubs/friends as she likes a different type of guy. She works in a large multi national with a shed load of bright & professional guys but has never been so much as snogged one of them in all her career.

Having said that she hunted (!) in bars and clubsof a particular kind of genre (biker) not just general bars and clubs, so she narrowed the field to places where guys would have similar interests.

I guess make your hunting ground to what you are interested in?!

Original poster
MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 23:15

That's interesting. Guess I'm still feeling a bit vulnerable that 'no one will want me' now that I have kiddies (idea firmly planted by dickhead ex). Sometimes I meet people out and about (like today in b&q!) that I think look decent. Maybe I need a sign to hold up !?

OP posts:
Needsomeflapjacks · 26/07/2017 23:17

The old fashioned way - in a bar on a Saturday night!! Total stranger, had an impulse to kiss him - never spent a night apart since - 5 years ago!!
Married with a ds!!
Life is odd!! Grin

Original poster
MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 23:17

JK - that's lovely. Always reassuring when people in real life can validate someone's character.

OP posts:
Original poster
MartinaMartini · 26/07/2017 23:18

Flapjacks....thats how I met the last one Hmm

OP posts:
StarHeartDiamond · 26/07/2017 23:22

Of course they will want you! People still connect, with or without kids.

See the rest of your life as a glittering path to walk, full of endless possibilities. New opportunities exist around every corner, who knows what will happen today or tomorrow or next week, so exciting! Your ex said what he said as he would likely be jealous of you meeting someone else. My dickhead ex said "nobody will ever love your bum", I was quite pleased as I know my bum is ok so clearly he was trying to do down an ok feature to make me feel shit about myself. Had he said my boobs I would have been devastated (personal problem area).

The point being is that mean guys often try to hit you where you are strongest, so smuglybtake from what he said that it's highly likely he thinks you will meet someone else who thinks the world of you and admires you as a mum.

StarHeartDiamond · 26/07/2017 23:24

*quite relieved, not quite pleased!

Ellisandra · 26/07/2017 23:26

When you're feeling robust, don't be put off OLD!
I used Match. I don't have any horror stories (certainly some rubbish messages and people I didn't click with, but no horror stories!) and I am getting married next year to someone I met online. He's lovely Blush

KentMum2008 · 26/07/2017 23:30

I split up with my abusive ex 6 years ago. Spent far too much time ages looking for a new man. Failed miserably, repeatedly and gave up. Went to a NYE party held by one of the mum's I knew from DCs school. Met her brother, fell in love even though he was wearing a genuinely hideous jumper which I have since thrown 2 years later we are married. Sometimes it just happens when you're not looking, or like me have given up all fucking hope.

KentMum2008 · 26/07/2017 23:32

Oh it's nearly August...2 years 7 months later then. It's weird because it sort of feels like we met yesterday, but at the same time it feels like he's always been here.

If I was an emoji right now, I'd be the hearty eyed one.....

demirose87 · 26/07/2017 23:38

On POF, been together 10 months and I'm 8 months pregnant with a little boy. Was a single mum of three before we met and wasn't expecting to meet the love of my life 😍

MyheartbelongstoG · 27/07/2017 00:02

He knocked on my door and asked me would I like to walk to the shop

HellAintABadPlaceToBe · 27/07/2017 00:05

I'm kinda in the same boat... left my alcoholic boyfriend, am fast approaching 40, have no boyfriend, no kids, never been married and feel like life has passed me by!!!

user1486956786 · 27/07/2017 00:08

I'm in my 20s, never wanted children of my own, let alone someone else's, and I've been with my partner for 6 years (he has a child).

If someone really does want to be with you then the kids won't be a problem.

24HourPartyPerson · 27/07/2017 00:20

Star what a lovely post, I wish I had your view on life!
Martina, I feel like you - I have emotional "baggage" too, in mental health issues. I'm starting to find men attractive again after a year on my own but really don't want to put myself out there.

Lots of positive posts. I hope I can post similar one day. Even if it's to say I didn't meet someone new but have a great life on my own.

OurMiracle1106 · 27/07/2017 00:25

Walking back from a friends house around midnight on a Saturday night because I was on a health kick and didn't want to get the bus. He was walking his dog and spluttered some words. Swapped numbers and I'm seeing where it goes. I know he makes me smile when I'm with him and he makes me feel like a princess.

My ex was also abusive but 5 years on from leaving and I'm now looking toward my future

Did try it online dating and still speaking with 2 people I met but didn't romantically click with but did on friend level

Barnes79 · 27/07/2017 00:30

Online on match.com. Now married with a 9wk old (hence why I'm writing at this time). I didn't come across many weirdo's, I assume because you have to pay the folk on there are taking it a bit more seriously.

Good luck for the future 😃

NellyTimes · 27/07/2017 00:30

I was five years out of an emotionally abusive relationship when I met my now dp. We'd been speaking on twitter for a while as we have a shared interest. I met him in person one day and it was like we'd known each other forever, I couldn't have imagined a more perfect person for me.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal and get to know yourself again. It took me a long time to pick myself up again, but I did and you will too. x

StarHeartDiamond · 27/07/2017 00:41

24hour - thanks Smile I really do feel like that.

I always find something to enjoy or look forward to in every day no matter how small. It could be as simple as going to the post office for picture stamps instead of buying the plain ones, it could be the raspberry shower gel instead of the plain, it could be going into a charity shop with a £3 limit Smile or it could be rescuing a snail from the footpath where it would get squashed or cleaning out the cupboard under the stairs throughly or texting an old friend out of the blue or printing out holiday or birthday pictures and putting them in a frame... just something to enjoy or look forward to. Every day Smile

Even if nothing exciting happens today it could be tomorrow or next week! So many days 🙂 I like the thought that "strangers are friends you haven't yet met".

Shankarankalina · 27/07/2017 00:42

I've dated from match.com and not yet met anyone very special on it, but at least it got me out there, meeting new people, and discovering what I was/wasn't looking for. So it was helpful and I enjoyed having something to look forward to.

Also Meetup is great for broadening your social network and trying new things.

Work is good for also extending your circle, and for rebuilding confidence if you've been at home for a long time.

My social invitations have dwindled to either girls' nights out or meeting friends for walks. I tend to not go out when the children are with me (the school nights are just so busy when it's just me doing everything) meaning I gave up my two evening hobbies, so my window of opportunity is often only four nights a month, and it can be a bit paralysing when I realise I've another empty weekend ahead.