Shouldn't I be over this by now?

[Coulddowithanap]

I left my psycho ex 15 years ago yet I am still suffering effects from when we were together. He beat me regularly, stopped me from seeing my family and was super controlling. I was with him for 6 years before building the courage to leave.

I have had several sessions of counselling and well as doing the freedom program. They helped a lot I think.

I am happily married now and DH is a pretty normal guy.

Ex still lives in the area but only actually bumped into him twice. First time was in a pub, I had a panic attack and had to go home (really embarrassing as I was meeting DHs new work colleagues for the first time).

Saw him the other day at a work open day. At least I didn't cry this time but I was so shakey. I had to give his kids stickers then made an excuse to leave my stand so I could calm down. Really worried because now he knows where I work so really hope he doesn't turn up at future events.

I hate that I am still scared of him. Does it ever get better?

Yes it does. Remember that you have done nothing wrong and it was he who should feel shamed. I was frightened of someone who had bullied and abused me and my family - bumped into them recently in a social situation - I had always been terrified off them previously- but this time I was fine. I felt calm in my soul knowing I was morally the better person. Blanked them as if they didn't exist - even though they attempted to speak to me. It felt good.

It does. Every day, little by little. For some it takes months and others years and that is ok.

If he hasnt tried to find or get at you in anyway since you left (or since the pub meeting for example) then he has moved onto someone else and dont need to worry about what he might do after 15 years. You need to work on dealing with what he did do instead.

I feels really annoyed at myself for feeling like that. Keep replaying it in my head.

I kinda worry for his partner and kids, hopefully he did change and they are ok. (I know I wasn't the only one he treated like me, he mum and brother the same way).