Should he cook?

[minion246]

We both work full time. I have four amazing children and he is a good stepdad. The problem I've got is that he has booked a week off work next week (I'm still at work) and he said he doesn't mind doing the house work but his not cooking, I have to cook when I get home. I'm livid as i cook for the kids when I get home usually anyway (he is at work) but I don't feel that I should when he has a week off!!!!am I being unreasonable and if he still refuses what do I do? Advice would be very much appreciated :)

Umm. Livid? Do you usually get angry so easily? He just said he'll do the housework. I think you can do one thing like cooking. YABU.

So the kids don't eat until you come home and feed them as he's refusing to, is that right?

Not that it should matter but are any of the DC his, out of interest? Is he a stepdad to all 4?

Does he normally do his share of the other stuff (housework) or is he only stepping up during this time off he's got booked?

The kids get looked after while I'm at work. I get home at 4.30. No he doesn't cook. He has cooked once out of 2 years and he is a stepdad to all of them. So I'm being unreasonable then? I should come home from work and cook?

My livid could be completely different to your livid. I was on the phone too him and I hung up. That's as livid as I get!!!!!

Could you compromise and ask him to start tea! I know it's something I'd do!

I think he should cook.

Why did you ever think he was going to cook, if he only once in 2 years?!

I'm really stuck in my own mind between you being a family - and then not being his kids.

You should share housework fairly - that might not be equally if one of you has more time. If he really hates cooking but pulls his weight otherwise, then this could be fair.

Depends too on what his expectations of you are, when you have time off.

You could take it in turns. Also whoever cooks the other cleans up.

You come home and cook anyway though... so why's it a big deal now?

So basically normally you would do the housework AND cook? If he's made a big deal of saying he will do the housework I'm assuming it's not something he would normally do? To be fair though he's looking after your kids all week which is a nice gesture, as long as he keeps the house to your standards all week I'd probably just keep quiet and do the cooking but definitely bring it up as an issue that he never cooks. He should be doing his fair share of cleaning and cooking; if he doesn't want to cook he should do more cleaning than you.

He should be able to at least do something simple like putting things in the oven.

The big deal is that he is not going to work so has time and energy

Does he think he has to do gourmet standard stuff?

As somebody with no children, I personally would hate to take off a week of annual leave to rest and enjoy my time to then be expected to cook for five people every night for a certain time, and therefore have how I spend my leave dictated to me.

What if he has plans for his days? What if he isn't home on time to have tea on the table?

@tokenginger

That's pretty selfish. That's like me saying "I only pushed one child out my vagina, why should I look after my partners child"

They're a family, he's a step parent. He should pull his weight. He may work and be taking time off, it's no excuse to be a lazy arse!

Cooking for 5 people is fuck all. I was cooking 3 separate meals for 5 at the weekend, I didn't complain. I also washed up, baked a cake, made lunch, cleaned up after lunch, made beds, did washing. It's what you do for your family.

He could prepare the meal! The OP could finish it off!

But I do appreciate the fact he may wanna do other things with his time, but he is looking after the children so could even take them out for a meal

I also think I'd understand it more during a holiday, than any other time! Even though he has more time, I know that I work hard in a busy stressful job and doing close to nothing might be what I want - not cooking when I never do it!

I wonder more why you've been happy to do all but one meal for the last 2 years!

If the division of labour is otherwise then I wouldn't expect my partner to take on 'my' share (you have made cooking your share) when they're on holiday. Flip side of course is that my partner wouldn't dream of not helping.

I really think this is a interesting time to pick the battle though! I'd tell him it made you realise it's unfair that you cook - and you want the two of you to cook 5 meals next week together, all meals he can do in future.

It's pretty shit if he can't stick 6 jacket potatoes in the oven and grate some cheese and mix up a basic salad.

Treat it as a bit of a holiday week and buy in some ready meals or go for a pizza one night? If he's doing the housework and never ever cooks normally I wouldn't push it.

Why doesn't he ever cook, though? It's quite unusual.

He's doing all the housework and childcare - surely it's only fair that you cook?

I'm torn on this. If he's looking after four step kids and doing all the housework on his week 'off' then I don't think it's particularly unreasonable of him to ask you to cook.

But are chores usually split fairly? I know he never cooks, but does he do other things to compensate?

Who usually does the housework?

If he only doing it because he's got a week off? What about the other 51 weeks of the year?

If housework is shared, and you do the cooking, then who does the dishes?

If you got in at say 6 or 7 then it's a bit late to start cooking for children but as you are home at 4.30 then it's not a big deal if he is doing everything else. Will he do the food shopping for example?