To Tell An Old Acquaitance The Truth About Her Relationship?

[PinkMagpie]

Hi all, would appreciate some views as I am in two minds about what to do. I was in my last relationship for 6 years and DP's best friend was serially unfaithful to his girlfriend. Cheated on her with multiple women, had several women on the go in side relationships. I only know this because he used to tell ex-DP all about it - boast to him about it really.

I am still friends with all of them on Facebook and I see that this couple are engaged and going to be married in a few week's time. I never said anything to her about it while I was with ex-DP. I thought about saying something several times but it would have caused huge problems between ex-DP and his best friend. I am now wondering if I should say something to this woman before she marries him. I don't believe he will ever change and I also think she has no idea. What would you do?

There ought to be enough threads on here by devastated women for people to stop assuming that if it's been going on for years then she must know about it.

Tell her. I would want to know..

If you can give definite examples that she can check for herself (dates, etc.) then I'd tell her. I don't think it has to be face-to-face but unless you can give specific info it's pointless.

Better for her to know now. Imagine how she'll feel if she finds out a year or two down the line, perhaps after a child, and realises that everyone knew but her.

I would tell her. She can do what she wants with the information. She may still marry him but she'll be more aware and more likely to catch him out. Or she'll have her suspicions confirmed. Or she'll be in denial or decide to forgive him but at least she'll be informed.

Thanks for your thoughts, all. What you have said is basically what I have been saying to myself! I have decided that I am not going to say anything this close to her wedding.

I get those who say they would rather know - I would too. But I don't feel close enough to her to throw this bomb into her life. If she were a close friend I would have said something by now.

I don't feel great keeping quiet, but that's the decision I have come to.

I really don't get why so many ppl come on here asking whether they should dob in a cheat, agree they would want to know, etc, and then say they're not going to say anything. On this thread alone, the majority of responses have been to tell, and still OP won't do the decent thing.
It's people who protect this knowledge that allow bastards to continue to cheat, potentially resulting in an even bigger sense of betrayal and humiliation further down the line. Often with kids now involved. How is that the morally decent decision? Do people not care about helping out strangers any more? So disappointed. I'd be devastated if I found my partner had repeatedly cheated before we married and everyone who knew was complicit in me basically wasting my best years on a bastard!

If she was your best friend or close relative then you'd be right to tell her (to her face - anonymous letters are cruel, unfair and pretty useless because the partner could more easily deny the claims) but she's not. She's your ex partner's best friend's fiancé. If he does this all the time then she probably turns a blind eye. You've said you already suspect this. You don't know the intimate details of their relationship so don't get involved.

If you don't feel you are close enough to tell her, could you enlist her close friend/ sister/ mum? I'm with the majority that agrees she should be given this knowledge that is not only vital to her well being but her physical health to a serious extent too.