I was attacked by my fiancé

[flyingmummy2003]

I don't even know where to start really, I'm not one for using these sites and it's actually the first time I've been on. But I'm hoping for some impartial advise.
I've been weigh my partner for 2 years as of last week, we got engaged at xmas and we are getting married next year...

After working away this weekend I've come home and he's drunk a whole bottle of vodka, absolutely wasted. It was actually quite amusing to start with, I put him to bed and I settled down to catch up on the TV.
I heard him talking to someone upstairs, so I listened at the bottom and it sounded like he was having an argument with a family member on the phone, I left him to it and then went up when was all quiet... his phone was on the side so I clicked it to see the time - he hasn't been on the phone as there were messages on the front screen.. so he had been arguing with himself.

Anyway, I will get to the point, he ended up with a red mist descending across him and him flopping out. Screaming and shouting at me about my job, and that I had been away on a trip and I took the piss. The next thing I knew he slapped me hard across the top of my arm a couple of times. I was so shocked I literally sunk to the floor. He then kicked me and slapped me around the head. As soon as I could I got out the house and hid around the corner, he then left the house and I locked myself in. He had also taken my phone with him, Obviously I was in a state.

He didn't come back, thankfully, and went to his dads (I found this out the next day) after logging in on my iPad and locating my phone. I collected it off his dad and went home, I packed all his belongings and he collected them whilst I was out. We have had contact, and I have met him at the local park where we spoke for a little while. I asked him to see his GP which he has and ring domestic violence line.

I just do not know what to do, he's complete shocked me. Do I run now, do I support him and getting help - what do I do?

I can't sleep or eat, my minds in overdrive! I haven't spoken to anyone but his mum about this ( she lives abroad) she's disgusted and has told him so, she escaped his fathers abuse years ago - now she is panicking that he is turning into his father. I can't confide in anyone and tbh I don't want to speak about it out loud.

RUN

Do NOT ever ever accept to be beaten this way.
There is no point to try and find excuses. That he will change, he was drunk, it was a one off etc...
Even drunk, people do have an issue with hitting their DP will not hit them. Even if they are angry and/or drunk or whatever else.
He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

Also noticed the fact that his dad was like this. And that he run away back to his dad.
What do you think his dad will have told him?
That it's unacceptable and he should do something about his anger etc...
Or that it's totally ok because clearly you acted in an unacceptable way by doing and he was right to be so angry?

Report the assault to police. Do you own or rent your home? You need to start the separation process.

Get going before you get married or have kids. Go now. This is awful, don't tether yourself to it.

Women CANNOT support perpetrators of domestic violence
It absolutely goes against every principle of every domestic violence perpetrators programme. It would be guaranteeing failure.

'support him'??? Of course not! Look after yourself - he for sure isn't going to.

And echoing a PP - his father would have agreed with him (that you were t blame) because anything else would make your dp a Monster, and by extension, HIM too. His father made him. They are both monsters.

Get yourself to your GP and get the injuries logged.
Report this to the police so any future women know what they are getting into.
Do NOT take him back.
He will beg and please and promise to change etc....
And he will.... for a while.
Then the cycle of abuse will start again.
He's shown you who he is.
Continue in this at your peril.
Please contact Womens Aid and ask about their Freedom Programme.
Do the course if they have one locally.
Try to attend in person.
This won't be the only type of abuse he has inflicted on you and you need to recognise all types of abuse for any future relationships.

Well done on getting away. Now block, ignore, delete.

I've been wasted, never once raised my fist to anyone, ever; this is who he is, the drink has just brought it out, support and help him, no I don't think so, he should be charged, vile and disgusting, as has been said, raise your bar!

Get out whilst you still can.

You have to get out while you still can. It's rarely a one off.

I read something recently. It said the minute a man hits a woman in he's no longer a man.

That's sadly bullshit sandy because hitting women is a thing that many men do
He may no longer be a decent man but he's still a man

Surely, that should be ex-fiance?

Well done for throwing him out, don't take him back, ever.

Run for the hills.

the minute a man hits a woman in he's no longer a man

Au contraire Blackadder. Given the epidemic levels of male violence in this world I'd say that hitting a woman was pretty much a defining feature of manhood.

Change the locks and move on.

One thing struck me in your OPnwas the casual way you mentioned him drinking a whole bottle of vodka. Like this is pretty normal. It's not and nor is attacking the woman you are supposed to cherish above all else.

DV always escalates and very, very rarely is a one off. That was a big first act of violence and you should be afraid of him. Cease contact and mean it. You can't help him and actually shouldn't want to...he assaulted you on a way that had it been a stranger you'd have called the police instantly and been to hospital.

Sorry.

I was with a guy who hit me. I stupidly forgave him and gave him another chance. He did it again. Like your ex DP it only happened when he was wasted. I finished it but I kept quiet as i felt i had done something wrong by making him hit me and looking back doing this distroyed my confidence as all keeping quiet does is protect him and his actions. You owe him nothing, you did the right thing by leaving him. Dont do what i did and give him another chance, because it wont change. Itll just get worse amd the next time you might be carried out in a body bag or like me spend time in hospital witha broken jaw. Your confidence will be distroyed and youll carry on justifying it as he grinds you down. A loving respectful.partner would never hurt you or hit you. The fact he has shows he neither respects nor loves you. Cut contact and tell everyone what he did. When i finally told people id been the victim of dv it as like a huge pressure had been lifted, i realised i had nothing to be ashamed of nor had i done anything wrong. By admitting that i realised i deserved so much better than what he had to offer me and it helped me to have the strength to move on and not look back. Ive now met a
Wonderful man who wouldnt swivil a finger at me when drunk let alone a fist. I wouldnt have met him had his child and a family i deserved if id given that cunt of an.ex another chance. Please dont take him back, protect him by staying silent or even talk to him. You deserve so much better than this amd one day youll realise it. But for now protect yourself and move on no matter how hard it is. Youll thank yourself for it later xx

Eccle that's a very sad view. I have a father,three brothers, a husband of thirty years, two adult sons and numerous uncles, brothers in law and make friends. Not one of them has ever raised a hand to me or threatened me in any way whatsoever.

Not all men are violent. Too many are but it is not a defining feature of manhood. A defining feature of an abusive criminal perhaps.

Matilda, NAMALT indeed.

But given that violence is so highly gendered, the solution is to face the problem, and name it, not say 'oh, well, if he hits you he's not really a man'. Because he very definitely IS. And so it's incumbent on ALL men - even the lovely ones you're related to - to face this issue, acknowledge it, and tackle it. Women can't solve this shit on their own.

Oh, and while I'm at it - it's probably best not to make any assumptions about the men you know being 'lovely' to their partners. You'd be amazed at the shit that goes on behind the front doors of men whose family and friends think they're amazing.

Seriously OP, its in him and he will do it again. Get out now before you marry and have kids with this guy. Really, no matter how sorry he is... he WILL do it again. Why set yourself up with a life like that? Hope your ok x

Leave him you are not safe. No level of violence can be condoned but if someone slumps to the floor and the attack continues with kicks and slaps to the head that goes above and beyond simply being bad.

Op how does it feel to read everyone's posts saying to run and not look back?

Did you expect these responses?

Do you think that you will heed this advise?

This is someone who will always put the blame on you.
Who even drinks a bootle of vodka alone, other than an alcoholic ? drinking because you were at work........Then kicks & hits you.... & it's your fault.
Oh for fucks sake, drop this idiot now, before he completely screws up any notion of self respect