You know what? I'm really fucking happy.... TRIGGER WARNING

[Bala3]

I've been handed a psychiatrist's report of my family system dating back to when I was 3yrs old - I'm now in my 50s. I went nc with my dm over a decade ago and was nc with the rest of them years before that. In the report my dm is diagnosed as bipolar & suicidal. It describes clearly how she never bonded with me from birth and how she projected all her anger on me. I am recorded in the notes as being 'a charming & delightful normal child'. AT FUCKING LAST. All my life she tried to make out I was at fault. I wasn't allowed to be happy because that 'wasn't the real world'. In the end she left me in the care of a paedophile & never came back -with predictable results.

I feel so relieved, I'm not insane after all. It was never me, it was her.

Wow that must be a very, very strange feeling. What a horrible upbringing for you. I hope your adult life has been happier.

Bloody hell Bala. I am so glad they described you like that and named your M as the problem. I hope it's affirming for you. You made a healthy choice with NC.

What enormous validation for you. My best friends mother left her and her sisters with a paedophile. They have no answers at all. Their mother denies and blames them. I wish they could get the answer you have. Hopefully this will bring you some peace

Hey Bala, totally, totally get where you're coming from. After a lifetime of being branded the difficult one, the bad one, the one in need of psychiatric help as a small child, realised through therapy that my mother is probably a borderline and I went on to marry a passive aggressive, another source of misery and abuse.

It feels like the huge weight of being blamed for their deficiencies has been lifted doesn't it when someone, in the know,
confirms what you've fought so hard to prove? Just goes to show how deep these abuses scar you.

I am no contact with my whole family and can honestly say it's the best thing I ever did. I hope you find peace with your life now. Karma has a way of dealing with these people ☺

Glad to hear, Out of the FOG is a great site for recovery. Kind thoughts.