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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've checked out

3 replies

Badwifey · 25/07/2017 19:55

Myself and H have been together for 9 years total and we have a toddler. When we met it was like meeting my best friend, the one I didn't know existed. We had great times together and things moved along quite quickly. I fell head over heels in love with him and felt he felt the same way. The sex however was never that exciting. I tried different things but they never seemed to work and it's always just missionary with very little foreplay. It's always been almost like something that just has to be done.
Now other cracks have started to show and it's all really getting to me and I'm unsure if I want to stay. I feel miserable at the thoughts of staying here for another 30 years or more!
I'm feeling deprived of pretty much everything, respect, affection, love and sex. There's never any touching, kissing or any affection. We have sex probably every 8 weeks and it's always at night, in bed, same position. I asked him the other day to do it somewhere else and he laughed really embarrassed that I would even suggest it.
It's making me really frustrated and I suppose it's causing problems elsewhere. I think I've pretty much checked out of the marriage if I'm honest. The only reason I think I stay is because I can't bear the thoughts of losing time with my baby.
The other problems we have are that he constantly talks over me and I mean all the time. I sometimes wonder am I so uninteresting? I sent him a text one night when he was working and I wondered why he had no idea what I was talking about the next day so I looked at his phone and he hadn't even read it. It was unopened. He will never try anything new for me. He'll never come see a movie I want to see or go to places I want to go whereas I feel I've always been quite flexible. He puts no effort into buying gifts for me. Our anniversary went by with hardly a mention. I got him a lovely card and I got absolutely NOTHING in return not even a hug.
I need advice. I don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 25/07/2017 20:01

Why the fuck are you with him?
He doesn't fancy you
He's shit at sex
He isn't interested in talking to you
He has literally zero interest in you

JK1773 · 25/07/2017 20:04

You've checked out of your marriage because he takes you for granted. If you have still been wanting sex with him though it might be salvageable. He needs to know exactly how unhappy you are and that you are approaching the end of the line. Are you able to move out for a while? That certainly would make him realise how serious you are and give you both time to reflect on what to do. When I checked out of my past relationship I didn't want him anywhere near me, speaking to me or anything. Are you sure you're at the absolute end?

Badwifey · 25/07/2017 20:24

I suppose I'm still here because we have a child together. I find I want to spend less time with him. And I suppose I've gone off sex with him but not in general.

I'm afraid because once I have made the decision to leave there will be no going back. I really don't want our child growing up in two households.

OP posts:
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