Ex husband and looking after kids

[AnythingForAQuietLife]

Hi all. This thread is getting no responses on the Legal posts. Hope it's ok to duplicate here. Maybe I'll get some good advice from experience :)

Hi there. I'm rather cheekily looking for some legal advice.

My ex husband and I have been divorced for two years and have a son (10) and daughter (14).

My exH lives just ten minutes away and although I'm primary carer I have always supported him as a father (eg I drop the children off to him every school day morning so they can see him for 10 mins or so before catching the bus. To be fair, this is en route to my place of work so no real hassle for me).

Currently he has the children every other weekend (Fri, Sat and Sun night) and additionally between one and two mid week nights after work. For the latter I still provide the children's evening meal since he doesn't finish work until 7pm.

Before he met his new partner he was keen to see the children as much as possible in half terms. Things have now changed for him and he is sticking far more rigidly to the above with far less (almost zero scope) for additional contact time during school holidays.

We both have careers and increasingly I'm finding it harder and harder to pursue mine since the burden of childcare during holidays is now falling almost exclusively upon me. He says that since I'm the primary carer this my responsibility / my problem.

I want to know where I stand legally (i.e. dont tell me what I want to hear / nothing emotive! Of course I mean that respectfully :-)

My questions / thoughts are:

1. Is he right? Because I'm primary carer should I be sorting all childcare? He views his time as purely 'contact time' and pretty much tells me when he can have them over holidays, if at all (increasingly rare). He calls all the shots on half terms / holidays basically. In this respect he's essentially free to pursue his career / free time etc.

1. Because in the last year or so I've acquiesced to his way, precedent has now been set. So if I was to pursue a court order, I guess this would go against me?

1. It always seems unfair that on his midweek contact nights he is free to pick them up nearer 730 / 8pm (since he finishes work late) meaning not only do I have to feed them but I have less opportunity to go out / do my own thing. It never feels like it's a full evening for me. Yet when I raised this with a legally minded pal he said that all a court cares about is the welfare of the kids (rather than quality of time off for me) and the kids would feel upheaval going from me to childcare to him. I have asked if I can drop him to his house where his new partner and step siblings are and he refuses (they get on very well with their step mum / siblings).

Erm, I think that's it for now. I'd really love some advice / any experiences. Thanks so much in advance.

well basically you won't be able t o'make' him have more time wit the children if he doesn't want it.

Likewise if you said well i don't want them X,Y, Z and so did he then the kids would go int care and he knows you won't do that.

If you go to court in my experience they will ask what he feels he can do and will not have to accept any responsibility he doesn't want and you will be expected to bend over backwards and facilitate that.

It's pathetic!!

Does he compensate you with plenty of CM?

Lawyer here. A court will not get involved in this. You are both responsible parents, no safeguarding concerns etc. They won't become embroiled in days and times unless the parents are so acrimonious the court needs to be that prescriptive. Your ex works late, that can't change, it's a fact of life. Maybe you need to think around that. Can you drop off earlier to step mum and kids so your DC could have their tea there and get ready for bed? Just a thought. It's not easy, needs some practical thinking outside of the box

Thanks so much for replies. I've asked re earlier drop off and received a sharp no....

Pffff, that would have seemed like a perfectly reasonable solution. I'd be cross in your position but honestly I don't see the courts helping you with this sadly. It would just be stressful and potentially expensive. You could try mediation to talk it over but they can't impose anything

Sounds like you're well rid. I'd politely remind him that they're his children also and I'm sure that the fact dad is doing the minimum hasn't gone unnoticed by the DC.

His loss, can he compensate by paying for fun holiday camps?

Well I'd see if you could get a child minder/babysitter to send them too instead of him on his nights during week so you can have a social life. He won't t notice as he has his step kids living with him.
Might make him see what he is missing. And now he is shacked up you may get more cm as her wages will be included do s grip back to court may be worth it.
He is a prick so treat him like one and nail his pathetic 'minimum' contact ass to the wall.

Patricia a childminder is going to cost money for the OP. How is that the answer? And your comment about CM is utter rubbish. Her wages don't come into it at all. In fact CM can go down where the paying parent lives with children (not always). It's really not helpful

Basically he's "right", if the kids live with you and you need childcare to work... Then it's your problem to solve, not his. This situation is offset (slightly) by tax credits, if you are eligible for them.

Aside from making sure he is paying at least the amount the CMS calculator suggests, then there's not much more you can do.

Again, thanks all. Kind of what I expected and a bitter pill to swallow but at least it's good to have an idea. Just can't wait til the kids turn 18 and I don't have to have (much) contact ever again.