Feeling bitter about bullying

[mamabae]

When I was younger I had a facial disfigurement which attracted a lot of bullying. I had several operations and it was completely 'corrected' at the age of 7.
However at that point everyone in my school knew about what was there previously and continued to bully me right into my teen years.
There was another school a 20 minute walk away and had I of been moved schools following the surgery no one would have even guessed I had any issues before.
My parents always told me "people are just jealous" "don't let them win, you're better than that" "let me know who they are an I'll have a word with them" etc etc this didn't get me anywhere.
Now I'm a parent myself I can't stop thinking what utter horse shit they were talking and really it was because they couldn't be bothered to walk me 20 minutes further to another school. My brother also went to the school I did.
I don't know why but I'm feeling so bitter and I had such a shitty time, right up until I was 15 and even then I struggled to make friendships in case they'd turn on me and be nasty.
I can't help but feel resentful. Is it stupid to feel this way? I don't know why I'm posting but I just can't shake it for some reason.

I think it's a bit of a stretch to blame your parents. Blame the bullies. They are the ones who deserve your anger. Moving schools is a massive issue and could easily have made things worse. If it was corrected at 7, didn't you 'move schools' into high school? Did the same bullies follow you? Chances are the same thing could have happened - one bully from primary turns up in high school, they start it again.

Schools had shit bullying procedures then. Many still do.

Feeling resentful is understandable but it's going to hold you back your whole adult life if you're still dwelling on things that happened in high school. Don't let the bullies win. All these years laters and now they're poisoning your relationship with your parents - and chances are, they don't even remember you.

Consider a few sessions of counselling to try and move past resentment. They're not worth the headspace.

I think it's totally understandable that these feelings are coming up for you again now that you're a parent.

I don't think it's talked about much the way that when you become a parent, it's a new chapter in your life, but it can also subconsciously prompt more looking back, because you're in that position yourself now.

It doesn't mean that you're dwelling unnecessarily or hadn't recovered well up until now. So don't beat yourself up about the fact that it's bothering you again.

My suggestion would be to allow yourself to get as angry as you need to (and realistically can), to aim for catharsis rather than suppressing things. And although that may well involve being angry with your parents, if there's any chance you're blaming them unfairly, it might mean that you haven't got angry enough with the bullies yet.

Taking more time alone if you're able to, to have a seethe and/or help restore your sense of who you are, writing letters you'll never send, multiple ones if need be... that kind of thing might help.

But everyone's different, so do take that with a pinch of salt. Best of luck, and I'm sorry you went through all that at all .