Have NC'd for this, although I doubt anyone in RL would recognise me anyway.
DP and I are in our mid-thirties, both have decent jobs, own our own house and generally speaking want for very little. We've reached a point where the next logical step is marriage and kids, all of which I 100% want with him. I know it's very likely a proposal is coming in the not too distant future, and whilst I'm really excited for that, I'm also feeling quite anxious about the whole thing as whilst I've never considered myself to be divorced, technically I've already been married before.
DP is completely aware of my past, it was something I brought up very soon into us dating as I wanted to give him the opportunity to walk if he wasn't comfortable with dating a divorcee.
I married in my early twenties despite knowing deep down that it wasn't right and have beaten myself up about it ever since as I feel I've robbed myself of a proper happily ever after as DP will always be my second husband 
My now XH was my first proper long term relationship. He had serious MH issues, and over time I very much fell into the role of carer. His MH issues only materialised after our first year together so I continued to convince myself throughout the relationship that one day he would get better and go back to being the person I'd first fallen in love with. I now realise that the person he was over the remaining 5 and a half years was who he was, and the person I'd originally met was just an act he'd put on. In the 3 years leading up to our wedding we didn't have sex at all, we were essentially housemates, but I desperately didn't want to make his health any worse so kept bobbing along convincing myself that the shift in our relationship was completely normal in a long term relationship, I mean you always hear of couples having less sex over time right?
His MH took a dramatic turn for the worse around 9 months from our wedding date, resulting in him being sectioned and me saying enough was enough. I was beyond exhausted at this point and at a loss as to what to do. His issues seemed to impact every part of my life and my work was beginning to suffer. He threatened suicide at which point his DM told me in no uncertain terms that if he killed himself as a result of me ending the relationship she would hold me completely responsible. I can now see it for what it was, and am old enough to know that he was totally responsible for his actions, but as a young twenty something it was something I wasn't prepared to risk and so I continued with the relationship, convincing myself that his happiness was enough for me.
I desperately didn’t want friends and family to think badly of him, so I began to withdraw from them as I knew those around me would know me well enough to know when I was putting on a brave front. I threw myself into planning the wedding, convincing myself that every cold sweat and sick to the stomach feeling was just “cold feet”. The day before the wedding I suggested to him we just skipped the wedding and went on honeymoon, he laughed but inside I knew I wasn’t joking. The day itself was a blur, I remember standing at the alter and feeling like I was watching someone else go through the motions…I spent the reception crying in the toilet as I knew I’d royally messed up. We spent our honeymoon separately; his anxiety saw him spend most of the time in the room, whilst I tried to enjoy the perks of a 5 star all-inclusive resort, the marriage wasn’t even consummated! I remember the very moment it dawned on me that the person I’d first met wasn’t the person he was at all when after missing our newlywed cruise due to a panic attack he announced he was so glad he was back to his old self now 
We separated a matter of weeks after we got home, and divorced as soon as we were able to. At the time I never thought I’d ever want to marry again, but now I have this amazing person in my life who I know deep down I want to spend the rest of my life with and am worrying I’ve tarnished everything by a silly mistake years ago. I’ve tried to rationalise that it’s completely different this time around, but I still can’t seem to detach myself from feeling that I’ve somewhat devalued what should be the happiest day of our lives. I’m also not sure I want to be surrounded by all the people who will have seen me marry once, although I know this is selfish as for DP this will be his first (and hopefully only) wedding.
I’m not sure exactly what I’m expecting from this, but would appreciate any advice from those that may have been in a similar situation.