Ive become clingy and needy and I'm pushing him away

[qhay]

Thank you to all who have taken the time to read this. I have been with my partner for 12 years and I like be him dearly we have 2 girls as well.
I'm 33 and he's 46 and for the most of our relationship we have been happy we have do much in common (although I feel this is changing now).
Please don't judge what I'm about to say as I know I was wrong and believe me I am living with the guilt every day.
About 3 years ago I thought I didn't want to be with my partner any more as our relationship got complacent he never showed/shows me any affection what so ever and someone else was so I never cheated on him but I left him and promptly got with this other person altogether it only lasted a fortnight as all it did was make me realise how much a do love and want to be with my man.
Fast forward 3 years and I'm a mess clingy needy depressed sleeping most days when the kids are at school.
He got a new job two years ago working in a group of men which he never used to do and this job also entails staying away a bit. I feel since he's working with 'the lads' he's changing and I think he's cheating although I have never got any proof.
I feel completely helpless I have no friends no life except him and my girls.
If anyone can help with handy advice on how I can turn my life back around I wold be so grateful.
Thanks

I think a lot of people who cheat and are forgiven end up feeling paranoid, he forgave you so you have forgive him sort of mentality / you cheated so he can now cheat.

I also think those who get cheated on do eventually become much stronger over time and start to realise they don't want to forgive any more.

From your post it sounds like both may apply to your situation?

To be honest other than make your own life again, work, hobby, friends, there isn't much more you can do. Sleeping all day whilst he's out living his life is sure way to feel depressed and dependent. I'd get yourself a job asap. Like right now. Even just start volunteering - anything to get you out again and less dependent on him.