Please help me leave my OH

[Icewindfire98]

I've been separated from by OH for a while - maybe 6 months. But we have young kids and he refused to move out when I said I wanted to seperate and I have nowhere to go as I'm a sahm at the moment since I got made redundant on maternity leave.
He's just got more and more nasty - whilst in between nastiness he acts like we are still in a relationship- organising trips out etc. He mistakes my needing help with the children and me needing him - in reality I really really want shot of him but feel so trapped. I don't know how to leave him whilst not causing upheaval for the children.
Tonight I found out he's been recording me shouting at one of the dc (not proud but I was sleep deprived and don't we all have those desperate moments?!) and that he's been regularly recording our arguments. He thinks he can show them to someone to show I regularly loose control and am 'mental'. He's previously told his family I made up a miscarriage (after he didn't even come to the hospital with me), and most recently had accused me of putting our baby on unnecessary medicine - again he's says im screwed up and make me up his illness. I just can't cope - can he use these recordings against me?! I think he's probably been doing it for months now. Would a judge listen to them and grant custody to him? He does have a knack for coming across as calm and reasonable to people - most people would have no clue what he was capable of doing or saying. I have been to the doctors about depression - has he a strong case that I'm not mentally stable enough to raise my kids?!

Thank you so much for hope responses. I'm still in shock i think am - I knew things were bad with him but had no idea he'd stoop to recording me without my knowledge.
I'm going to make an appointment with a solicitor today and yes will ramp up the job hunting. Yes you're right I should apply for Jsa - if anything because it shows he wanted me to do it - I've looked and I don't think I'm eligible though. I will definitely open my own seperate bank ac - thank you this is all great advice. I'll try to spend some time away from him at my parents.
I'm seeing a GP regularly for exhaustion (she's the one who suggested antidepressants but I'm feeling ok on iron tablets, vitamin d tablets and the mini pill) I have mentioned to her a few times that my OH is unsupportive. I will tell her about the recordings next time I see her. I can't put my head in the sand about this happening anymore - how did I end up here?!

And yes - the recordings will either be me 'ranting' and being upset with him for things he's done or this one time I shouted at my dd when she kept waking every hour and I was knackered and lost it and yelled at her

Your not hope - sorry typing whilst feeding

FFS op stop covering for him, and tell the world what he is like! Don't you think that by 'covering' for him and NOT telling people that that is why they don't know? They think they know him, he 'comes across as calm and charming' - well POP that bubble! He's a nutter - tell them so! He records you - tell them this! He threatens to 'take the kids' (they ALL do, btw! It's the quickest way to hurt you and make you STFuckU) - you make it known WHAT HE'S DOING!

Stop covering for him. Stop making him out to be anything other than what he is.

Abuse in all forms thrives on secrecy and victim-embarrassment. HE can do and say what he likes to you (in secret) and YOU are too embarrassed to tell people STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

And get legal advice/womans aid.

Thanks. And I know. But for some I don't feel I can tell anyone but you lot. I really wanted a happy family and for my kids to have a lovely home - I guess I fear that that pop would just impact them.

We all want that - and you can make that happen for them, but minus the abuser. You have to be brave.

You can't tell anyone? Ok, then, you will have to work round the fact that everyone thinks he's a great man/father/husband, and will then think you are a weird harpie, a total bitch, going for a spilt with such a lovely guy. What a cow, eh? Taking his children away, for NO REASON!

Ok then. Keep his dirty secret - everyone will think badly of YOU instead.

We can give advice on here but you absolutely need real life support.
Please start telling people about this vile man.
He's an abuser.
If you need recommendations for good solicitors in your area who deal with fuckwits I would suggest calling Womens Aid.
0808 2000 247
They can help you with other local support services as well.

Until you start opening up to RL people you are just covering his arse; look at what he is doing, he's now recording you, calling you mental; get it out there, get your support, it will give you strength to get away from this horrible situation;

Why is the property not up for sale, you need to separate now, it's six months! Your kids have been put through shit for six months, look at it that way, and why do you care what outsiders think, you're living this life!

Please don't attack me - I've been trying to make him leave. You can't throw out a joint owner or sell a house without both of yours consent.
I'll need to formally file for divorce to even start to shift him and even then he'll probably still be here until the last
Also I've been exhausted. Our child has been in and out of hospital this year and I've been very anemic and low in vitamin d - and up all night with the baby/children. We've barely had the time to know what day it is so the separation has come lowest priority whilst we work on getting everyone healthy.
In terms of telling people in rl - my patents don't really want to hear it - they don't a divorce and a failure and the impact on them having to help more etc. They stayed together through their hard times and in their mind they expect us to too.
My friends - it is embarrassment. I used to be popular and successful - it's showing what a failure I've become - jobless, married to an idiot and two stone overweight. It's not easy to admit your mistakes to people and much easier to admit nothing is wrong. I'd like to at least get a job or lose the weight before starting to tell people

Op I can't really offer advice but want to tell you how strong you are. So much stronger than you think. I can't imagine what you are going through it must be awful not feeling like you have anyone to turn to in RL. There is some really great advice here. Good Luck!! You will look back in a year or so and be glad you took control. You can do this and you will come out of the other side!

Thank you.
I'm making small progress - I managed to get him to stay at a hotel tonight after last nights row. He'll come back in the morning to see the kids as they are used to him looking after them in the morning whilst I try and catch up on half an hours sleep after being up with the kids whilst he's snoozing away on the sofa (we haven't slept in the same bed for years) all night.
When he's previously stormed off to a hotel after a row it's felt like a punishment as I have had to do all his share of the chores too but since my health has improved it's a welcome relief that he's gone even if I'm going to be all evening tidying and cleaning up/dealing with the baby.

Good for you. How's things today?

I'm so sorry for you OP. I know what its like feeling trapped in a house with someone. I ended my relationship and ex refused to leave unless his name was taken off the mortgage which was impossible. I managed to get him to agree to put it on the market though.
If he refuses to sell, a solicitor can force the sale (although this may take time). Get the ball rolling right now and see a solicitor. The quicker you start, the quicker this nightmare will be over.
And IGNORE his threats and attempts to make you look mad. He is only making himself look unstable by recording you and lying. He is clearly desperate.