Many years of marriage and many years of the same old behaviours that get me down. Now i'm really struggling to cope and thinking of leaving. I'm posting on here as i feel so down and think i already know the answer.
Husband has stressful job yes but has lots of anger and temper rages directed towards me. Disproportionate reactions. Never hits me but I do get scared. My heart races and I usually just leave house crying. He shouts and swears at me and hits things such as door punching.Called me an F...ing s...stirrer recently during an argument. It was over a relatively minor household matter and he went mad with me. Several such incidents recently. Repeated patterns of behaviour over twenty years. Yes good qualities and good father blah blah but towards me?! I'm not perfect but I can't take much more. I want to go for counselling - he says no but recently saying will think about it but cynical about it. He has some controlling tendencies, for example, says I can't manage money properly so I cut up my card and only deal in cash which causes me no end of problems. Says I can have card again but I don't want to give chance for him to comment on money - suppose I'm being stubborn. After outbursts he says stuff such as "no one's perfect / don't know what goes on in other relationships ? let's move on / why can't I forgive him" . I think he needs to acknowledge anger issues and go for counselling. I'm thinking of leaving. I feel resentful and do remember all the incidents over the years and makes me so sad. Am I wrong to refer to past incidents? It hurts and when I try to discuss he usually has a clever comment or gets cross and it just gets left. He has sometimes admitted his anger problems but that's about it. He can be good and kind but I don't like all the angry mean stuff. Hope he agrees to counselling.