Okay firstly I apologise as I know this will be a long post...
Last summer my little girl was playing with my cousins little boy and I caught him poking her in the bum. She is 2 years younger than him and he had told her to get up on a bed and took down her pants and shorts and was poking her in her bum. I called his mam to show her what I had found and promptly took my daughter and left. The mam called to apologise and was very upset over it. I said we'd forget about it and left it at that. Since then we've had no contact with either. I didn't tell my husband as I knew he would have gone mental about it all so kept it to myself but vowed that I would never leave my daughter alone with said child again.
Anyway fast forward a year and we have just had a family wedding. Coming up to the wedding I was apprehensive as there have been other issues within the family and we are not on great terms. But whilst thinking abut what happened to my child last year memories of my own childhood have come flooding back. Basically my cousin who was 13years older than me used to make myself and my other cousin who was the same age as me take down our pants and pretend that we were having sex. We were around 10 or 11 at the time and he was 25. He used to make my brother and my other cousin do it too. He also used to show us porn movies and talk about them with us.
Another time my cousin who was my age made my pull down my pants and he pushed me down beside a bed and climbed up on me and rubbed himself against me. I can vividly remember his breath and wanting to cry at the time.
I have buried these memories for almost 20years now but I can't seem to make them go away this time. I had a few drinks too many and had words with some family members but I can't really remember what I said. I know I know I shouldn't have drank so much but was an awkward wedding.
Anyway my older cousin who used to instigate the above behaviour is now deceased so I'm not sure what I'll gain form making these things public except casuing a massive family row and also devastating my parents especially my mother. She never trusted my older cousin at all and itd kill her to know she was right.
So I suppose what I'm asking is was this sexual abuse and what should (if anything) I do? I think the fact I have 2 daughters now is a huge factor in all this coming back up.