Is this dodgey or am I paranoid?

[Runrabbit1]

So my DH has recently had a day drooped at work so is self employed on that day doing handy man jobs.

He picked up a job doing some bits and has been at least 4 different times now. He has two boys and they are away with their mother for two weeks and on his last day with them he took them to "work" with him at this woman's house for two hours (which previously he said was unprofessional) but he said he had no time for me as it was his last day with the boys so gave me 20 mins if his time on his doorstep while he carried on weeding! (We don't live together currently as not ready to blend our family of 4 boys)
He has today told me that he's finishing work early today to go round for another hour to re-fix her hob (remember his self employed day is Thursday so this is over and above actions here). He MAY then come to me but fur his dinner and then he'll spend all evening seperately.
And then it turns out they contact each other by text but he's deleted all messages he's had with this woman and he's planning to keep going back unlimited times.

This seems completely dodgey to me... is it??? Or is it me? ?

Sorry, my phone has spelt dodgy wrong! Don't know how to edit..

Sorry but you lost me at dh (so married) but don't live together or have a blended family. .

Though does sound like he is more than a handy man. .
And not to you.

So I'm not just paranoid?

Yes narried but live seperately

Tbh being married and living separately is a bit dodgy. I mean I know Helen Bonham Carter and Tim Burton did it but a) they lived next door to each other and b) they're separated now...

Forget that bit! I want advice on whether he's being secretive and lying or whether I'm being paranoid?

Well it could be or it could just be work and he's made some commitments. I doubt any reasonable person can read what you've posted and say it's dodgy. I've had workmen bring their kids, it's not a big deal.

It's impossible to tell if you are being paranoid without knowing how your normal interactions - married but not living together - how that normally works. How much or little your communicate and how often you see each other.

If he is a handyman - and found a client with lots of things to be done around the house - so, no, going there often and on days that suit the client - is not weird. It's good service. So is re-fixing smth that wasn't fixed before.

I think married but not living together is relevant as it's an unusual set up and could suggest a different view of marriage than is conventional.
Genuine question - what was the thinking behind getting married if you weren't ready to blend families?
Doing odd jobs for someone isn't dodgy in itself as long as he's being paid for it. The texts though - does he delete all his texts or just the ones from her?

Refix her hob could well be a euphemism for giving her fanjo a jolly good seeing to but I am a suspicious cow. .

"he's planning to keep going back unlimited times."
How do you know that? Has he said so?

I'm another that wonders why get married before blending families, it seems very strange. I'm not surprised your struggling with the relationship with such separate lives and don't really see the point in marrying.

As far as the work goes, I have a builder that comes all the time and he's brought his, grown up, daughter over at times. We're now quite good friends but that's all. I also know his wife now though, so nothing hidden or underhand.

What's the plan for the future together? Do you think he's as committed as you to the relationship?

It's not possible to know if what he's doing is odd, because we don't know the dynamic of your already odd sounding relationship - so married and living separately is entirely relevant. If you hardly see him he has plenty of opportunities to do dodgy things, if you live in each other's pockets normally (but not each other's houses) then he has fewer opportunities... also it's not unusual in construction or handy man type jobs to be called back for lots of other small jobs.

I can't see how anything dodgy would be going on when he's taken the kids with him. Maybe she has boys the same age? And how do you know he's going back 'unlimited times'? Are those his words or yours? I'd say you have more problems with your slightly bizarre family set up, but then I guess it works for you.

I can't see how anything dodgy would be going on when he's taken the kids with him. Maybe she has boys the same age? And how do you know he's going back 'unlimited times'? Are those his words or yours? I'd say you have more problems with your slightly bizarre family set up, but then I guess it works for you.

Going back unlimited times are his words.

He only took the boys once, the rest of the times its him and the woman.

No he never deletes any texts until now

We don't live togetger because my eldest Son and his youngest have ADHD so it is not an easy blend. It's a very complex issue with lots of implications so we decided for the boys emotional well being at this time, we would give them their biological patent when they are with us and quailty time as that's very important. We all spend time as a family as well

It does seem a bit suspect

sounds a bit dodgy to me

and bizarre that you got married

They're a two property married couple, what's so hard to understand?

Do you notice how couples who live together always have hugely successful happy marriages? Me neither, because they don't always. OP has explained her situ, that's not her issue.

"Going back unlimited times are his words."
Then yes, dodgy as fuck.

Thank you LesisMiserable