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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Verbal Insults

32 replies

Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 08:58

I know relationships can't run smoothly all of the time, but I am starting to feel bitter and down about the way my other half is talking to me lately.

We had a little disagreement last night and he told me to fuck off a few times then he went to bed without making things right. He knows I won't be able to sleep if an argument is not resolved before bed. I slept on the sofa when I finally managed to switch off. Today he acts like nothing has happened, leaves for work and then texts me a poxy apology, as though that will make everything ok.

The worst thing he (or any other person for that matter) has called me happened last week. Again we was arguing over something petty and as he walked off he called me a Fucking Slag. Totally gutted.

OP posts:
yawning801 · 24/07/2017 09:01

That's just childish. I'd expect kids to text an apology, but not an adult. As for the name-calling, he has zero respect for you. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that, but it's up to you of course. x

CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 09:04

It sounds like he has very little regard or respect for you, I'm afraid.

hasitcometothis33 · 24/07/2017 09:05

Calling you a slag is unnacceptable.

You say it was 'a little disagreement'. Are you sure it wasn't something bigger, or that he felt was bigger?

Has he told you what it is that's making him angry?

ShatnersWig · 24/07/2017 09:06

Why are you with this person?

Sorry, but that's unacceptable and you've basically given him permission to continue by not making a very decisive show of it not being acceptable. If anyone called me "fucking slag" I'd have left the relationship. I might have given it one more go having told him very firmly and leaving him with no doubt that if there was one more similar incident, then I'd be gone for good.

Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 09:27

It literally was only a small arguement. We was meant to be gardening out the back but the sun was so hot that I said I am going to work on the front garden 1st in the shade. He said that I was taking the easy way out. I replied that he constantly takes the easy way out. I am gardening some days for 6 hours straight, while all that time he is playing video games (he is 36 btw) Thats when he turned round and called me a slag.

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 09:28

The problem isn't that he plays video games at 36. The problem is that he's a nasty twat.

Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 09:38

Alarm bells are starting to ring now.. whereas before I would blame myself for his behaviour. Just before christmas we had an arguement and he punched the cupboard and headbutted the bedroom door. I love him but I dont like the way he is..so unpredictable.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 24/07/2017 09:42

You have an abuser there.
Please do make plans to get away from him before things escalate further.

Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 09:48

He says these things are a 1 off. That it wont happen again. Once I walked away from an arguement and was in town. He messaged me saying that he may aswell take his own life because he cant do nothing right. So much pressure on me.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 24/07/2017 09:49

He is clearly abusive. Calling you a fucking slag is shocking. Where is your self respect?

If you don't stand up for yourself and stop tolerating this behaviour he will continue it.

What are you going to do?

Are there kids?

Who does the house belong to?

PickAChew · 24/07/2017 09:50

That is not a case of a relationship not running smoothly. He is abusive.

PickAChew · 24/07/2017 09:51

The suicide threats are abuse as much as his name calling and swearing at you, btw.

Jayfee · 24/07/2017 09:53

Anger management perhaps? Relate?

ShatnersWig · 24/07/2017 09:54

Sorry, I don't understand how anyone can love someone who treats them with so little respect. I really don't.

He says EVERY time these things are one offs and they won't happen but they do. And you stand there and let him do it to you again and again.

Seriously, you are worth more than this. There are LOADS of guys out there who would never do this. Wouldn't you rather be with one of them than an abuser?

Get some self respect and get the hell out of that relationship now. Do not go back, no matter what he says. Ever.

Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 09:57

He has kids but they dont live with us. The house is rented. I live 4 hours away from all my family. So I have 2 options..stick it out with him and hope things change, or move out and I will have to move in with a family member for a short while until I can rent a place of my own again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 10:03

I have anxiety and bipolar disorder and I manage it so well but these arguements are emotionally draining and I am sensitive.

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 24/07/2017 10:09

Leave him.
Don't tell him your plans, back your bags, arrange to stay at a relatives and leave.
Then block his number.
He is awful.

seven201 · 24/07/2017 10:12

I'm another one who thinks you should leave. It will be hard but you don't want to be stuck in this crap relationship forever.

CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 10:13

You don't have kids with him; thank god for that.
He won't change, why would he? It suits him to behave like this. What possible reason would there be for him to change?
I moved back in with family temporarily in my late 30s after a breakup. It's doable, and it's better than the life you have now.

BenedictCumberbeyatch · 24/07/2017 10:14

If that's what you have to do to get out of an abusive relationship than that's what you have to do.
You don't deserve to be treated like something he's scraped off his shoe, you deserve much better.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/07/2017 10:15

Do NOT - I repeat do NOT have counselling with an abuser.
Never ever.

He really is a top notch abuser and you absolutely have to leave.
Get to your relative and get away from this.
It will not help your MH issues. It will just make them worse.
Please speak to someone in real life and get away.
If you need support services then please call Womens Aid today 0808 2000 247

ShatnersWig · 24/07/2017 10:17

No, OP, you have one option, which is the second one: move out and live with a family member for a while.

You've already done option one: stick it out and hope he changes. Because he's already shown you umpteen times he won't change. He's told you this and shown you this with his "it won't happen again" and then it does.

Seriously, do not consider anything other than moving out as soon as you possibly can. I would try and do so when he is not around, do not tell him where you have gone to and block his number. You will find that within a few weeks of doing this, your anxiety will start to improve, I promise. Please do this.

Original poster
Smumto2 · 24/07/2017 12:01

I cant go without telling him because I dont drive. So the only means of transport for me to get to my family is if he drives me there. Which he did when we broke up once before. Ths is going to come across as stupid.. but I hate the thought of him on his own, yet I dont mind it for me

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 24/07/2017 12:04

Wouldn't one of your family be able to come and get you?

ShatnersWig · 24/07/2017 12:07

The number of similar threads on MN over the years. I'd say 90% of them say things like "I can't go without telling him because...."

Yes, you can. Taxi. Bus. Train. Friend. Family member.

Swipe left for the next trending thread