Dh not being fair?

[Worried2017]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable but feel a bit upset by dh's recent behaviour. As a bit of background we have 2 children, 6 & 3. Prior to having the children I worked full time in a fairly well paid job but dropped to part time hours after we had dd. During my first maternity leave I had saved a lot of money during my pregnancy so I was fine when maternity pay ended. During my second pregnancy I wasn't able to save what I had first time due to only working part time so used all of my accessible savings and some of dh's savings whilst I was off.

Fast forward several years and I've had a few heavy months financially and dh knows this and has topped up our joint account (which we both add money to as a direct debit each month). He put fuel in my car last week and wanted the money back, although he did say I could wait until I got paid. This is the family car so we use it for all trips with the children, and I also have travel costs to work which he doesn't have. He's had reasonable pay increases over recent years whilst I'm in the public sector so have effectively had a pay cut over the past 7 years.

I'm feeling a bit upset that I now need to take money out of my savings to tide me over for the next few weeks but I'm trying to balance that with knowing that he is generous in paying for nights out etc. Do I need to get a grip and stop moaning?

I guess with him paying for your part time childcare and cleaning services, you should be able to afford more ...
Seriously though, why are you part time with someone so tight? You are sacrificing a lot for your kids there.

Does he know what you bring in? Does he match your share in the joint account or is it done as a percentage of take home? So if he earns twice what you do does he contribute twice what you do? Are bills split 50:50?

No, you don't need to stop moaning. It was unreasonable that you had to cover all the costs of your pregnancy and loss of maternity pay. It was his child!!!!

Secondly...you've reduced your hours and pay presumably so you could spend more time with the children. It appears he considers that work financially worthless.

In my marriage, everything's a joint account. That doesn't mean everyone has to do it this was, but essentially he can't be saving up his own pockets getting wealthier and wealthier while you live on the breadline. That's bullshit.

We both know what the other earns. He has always put more into the joint account than me. I have the higher earning potential but made the choice that I wanted time with the children and have no regrets about this. He has always done 1 day child care each week by changing his hours at work so does a share of the cleaning etc. We are generally happy and he has been a complete rock during difficult times but every so often we have these arguments about money.

No, it's unfair of him to expect you to carry the costs of having children when they are his kids too. You should never have had to financially cover your maternity leave yourself. And as pp said, you should each contribute to the running of the house proportionally from pay. So if he earns twice what you do (regardless of who's part time or full time) he should put twice as much into the budget.

I've had a few heavy months financially

Unless these have been a result of your Mulberry handbag addiction, then it doesn't sound like he's being fair at all on expecting you to pay him back for petrol used for the family.

Sonic - I wish I had been buying Mulberry!! I'll admit that some of the expense has been on clothes for me in the sales. I'm not that extravagant usually and can go for months without buying clothes but do spend in the sales. I've had the expense of his birthday and Father's Day in the space of week too plus some other essential things.

He needs to pay far more into the pot as you are providing free childcare.
Calmly explain this to him.
Tell him that unless he contributes more, you will go back to work full time and he will. E responsible for 50% of the childcare pick ups and drop offs.
This in turn may lead to a drop in His earnings as he may have to take a demotion to cope with the extra childcare he will be doing.

I'm sad that I even need to ask this question. I'm planning a no spend August to try to sort myself out and will use some savings.

I've told him I'm upset. He admits he was a twat. It doesn't change things though.