I could really do with some advice as to how to best try and deal with what's going on with me and dh just now.
We moved house 2 months ago, out of London where I'd lived since, well, more or less forever. I gave up a well-paid job that I really enjoyed which I can't pursue here. We wanted to finally buy somewhere, give dd a bit of space, have a garden, a spare room - nothing new there.
2 weeks after we moved dh got made redundant. The settlement was quite reasonable, so not the end of the world, so long as he got a new job within a couple of months. He started onto this straight away and got several interviews and ultimately 3 job offers. However, in the interim he has been a complete pain in the ar$e. He hasn't helped out at home any more than usual which is irritating. It's also been hard to suddenly find all 3 of us at home, which we're not at all used to, and we have really got on each other's nerves, dh hasn't coped too well with having dd around 24/7 and he's irritated me with his lack of patience and understanding (nothing major btw).
He started going back to London a few times to see mates as he had the time, and although I'm not too thrilled about it, we were bickering so much when together all the time that I encouraged him to do it a bit more - explaining exactly why, and he agreed.
I have just been to my parents for a couple of days, and he went to see a mate on Thurs and then decided he might as well stay in London until the party he was going to on Sat night. Got a text from him on Sun, very early, saying he was trashed and just about to crash out and would call later. Was v annoyed as wanted to see him, but decided I should let him have that space and just go with it. Then he called at 5pm to say they'd got up early and started drinking again and that he would be back tomorrow (ie this morning). I went nuts and said I wanted him to come home now, and started blubbing. We talked for ages, much shouting, and finally he admitted that he had found the redundancy very difficult to bear, and that he wanted to make the most of going out while he could, that would be the end of it as new job starts a week today. He said that by dictating to me when he would be home, he felt that that was the only bit of power he could wield, the only control he had. I do understand this, told him so, but told him that he had made me question our marriage, made me wonder whether he was cheating and generally make me unhappy. Also, not really fair on dd. He apologised profusely, said he'd dealt with the whole situation wrongly but was freaked out. Fair enough. He apologised for staying out again too.
He got home early today and has been quite contrite. This afternoon I've been filing paperwork and have found out that he's given the credit cards a real bashing and arranged a big (by our standards) overdraft. I pointed this out and he's just said "It's all under wraps, don't worry" (Aussie!)
I don't know what to do. I feel like he is taking dd and me for a ride. I've been quite frugal with money, been selling bits on ebay etc. I used my savings to cover the moving costs and legal fees etc, and have coped till now on my money. He keeps making a big deal of the fact that I'm not working, have no income, and he does which really pisses me off as I do everything at home. Now it's nearly run out and I need to ask him for some. He was cagey, and not keen on this, a few weeks ago and now I know why. How can I handle this situation without making my husband feel less of a man? I feel like our marriage is really under pressure and I am losing respect for him, as he just isn't facing up to his responsibilities.
Sorry, this is so long. Thanks, if you've read this much.