Relationships

[Ellen28]

Hi all, having a tough time battling through some emotions.
The guy I'm dating recently found out his mum has breast cancer. She's now had the op and everything has gone well.
We had been dating for a couple of months telling me how perfect we are for eachother having lovely days out etc.
When he found out I was supportive and he said he'll stay open with me.
Has time has gone on he's got so distant. One minute he says he wants to see me and the next he's cancelling and wants space. I really want to help and give him a cuddle. I know our relationship is the last thing on his mind and needs his space. I'm just confused with his change of mind and cold shoulder. I message once a week to let him know I'm thinking of them offer to help etc but he never replies.
I was thinking of asking him how much time he needs but I suppose he won't actually know.
Any advice? :(
I'm really trying to stay strong for him but my heart shatters everytime he ignores me

If you've only been together a couple of months and now he's ignoring your messages each week how many times have you actually seen him? Sorry to be blunt. It sounds to me like you're not in a relationship at all. He's going through a lot by the sounds of it. I'd leave him be for now

If you message him once a week andhe never replies then you are not in a relationship with him. You are someone he's been on a few dates with in the past.

Sorry.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but you have to realise that many relationships go nowhere - and that's regardless of his mother getting sick. He's moved on. Stop texting him, and if he does contact you in future ignore him. You'll try to persuade yourself it's because he had such a hard time with him mum being ill. But it's not - it's because he has no manners, and has ghosted you.
It takes literally one minute to text "I'm sorry that I've messed you around, as you know mum is ill, and it's made me realise that I just am not interested in dating right now."

If you message him once a week and he never replies then you are not in a relationship with him. You are someone he's been on a few dates with in the past

This ^^

His Mum having cancer, would not impact on his relationship with you. He is using it as an excuse.

Delete his number.

If everything has gone well and she's healthy again I don't see why he'd be so distant. When you first get the news it takes a while to get your head around it (but my dad is advanced so I think harder), I think he's lost interest im afraid

Walk away OP, continue to date other people or form a new relationship elsewhere. He isn't committed to you so please don't force commitment on yourself.

Thanks everyone. I didn't want to sound selfish being upset while he's going through family issues. He had been amazing up until he found out. We text every day had weekends together made future plans. He had asked for space but said he's not going anywhere.
This confused me when he said this because I can't just hang round waiting for months.
I'm struggling with being ghosted, didn't realise how rubbish I'd feel :(

It's my birthday next week and I had asked him if he'd still wanted to do something. (He had promised to see me) 🙄 But that got ignored too .
Any ghosting advice? I'm generally busy and go see friends etc. Put a brace face on. I'm on a dating site but never find many genuine people

Don't message him anymore. He's dumped you. What a shit doing it like that though

Omg. Sounds so similar to what happened to me. I asked about my bday and all of a sudden we conveniently had an argument and he dumped me. Lo and behold after my birthday he was back in touch with me. He eventually admitted he caused the argument because he couldn't afford to take me out for my birthday. Twat.

Strangely enough his mum has cancer too, or so he said...spooky.

He's moved on. Don't text him anymore

Thanks for the replies everyone.
Omg really that's strange!
Total shitty thing to do I'm still abit hung up on him and as if I thought this was my fault!

Funnily enough he still has time to update his Snapchat story!

Block and delete him everywhere! You do not need to be seeing his snapchat!!

Yep, block and delete. The fact his mum has been ill has nothing to do with it, if he wanted to be with you he would have made time to come tact you, it only takes a few seconds to text or phone. Don't message him again, your wasting your time.

Stop messaging him as you're only going to look desperate. I know you're upset but ask yourself what sort of man he really is to be ghosting you like this anyway?
I reckon you've had a lucky escape.

Yep, you defo need to move on, chicken.

No offence, but he's kinda hoping you'll get the message without him having to say anything.

I appreciate you have had good times but take it for what it was and get back out there.

This guy isn't for you. (:

Thankyou for all your replies! I was worried I get a lot of replies saying I'm not being caring enough and should understand his mum is ill. It's really helped me look at this in a new light so thankyou. Just got to try pick myself up now!

OP, without meaning to sound harsh as you sound very kind, if anything you've been too caring. His mum's illness is obviously very serious for his family but its an irrelevance in your relationship with him. If he was serious about you things would have progressed, regardless of his mum's situation. If he was unsure or struggling with it but still cared about you he could have sent a text message to say just that.

As others have said, he's dumped you in a fairly cowardly way and is hoping you'll just back down. It's understandable that you're heart but continuing to contact him will delay you recovering your self-esteem.

You've been dumped

Stop contacting him

Thankyou for your advice. I've stopped contacting him. He's obviously not the person I thought he was

I'm sorry, I know it's tough. I hope you will meet someone who will appreciate your caring nature and treat you well

I have a update...he text saying he's not ready to give his all while his mum is ill and not fair on me etc. And then said maybe once everything has calmed down and he's in a better place we can try again.
What's thoughts on this?
How long will I have to wait? :/ I wanted to be able to help get him back to a better place rather than ignore me !

I think he's trying to let you down gently. I wouldn't wait for anything to be honest. Just move onwards and upwards.