AIBU!? To ask for help?i do everything

[Livelovelaugheveryday]

Today 12:49 Livelovelaugheveryday

Hi guys
I don't want no nasty comments please just a little advice on how to get him to help out a little and aibu to ask?
Right I'm a mum to three and I work my issue is I do everything! Maybe it's my fault for not asking before but I do the cooking I do the school runs I do all the housework I do the family shop etc I do the baths the homeworks and I'm always the main driver (petty I know) when I'm not doing all this I'm working in a very demanding stressful job.
I have asked in the past for him to help a little but it's always him saying he'll do it later or he's too tired. I do keep in mind he works full time and I don't and he takes on the big bills but overall he has a very easy life! How can I tell him that I want more help believe me iv tried but it don't work
Can't believe I need advice on this lol but I'm getting worn out! Anyone else have an extremely laid back man?

You don't need help, you need him to do his fair share. If you're both working there's no way you should be doing everything.

He's not "extremely laid back", he's lazy. I'd make a list of everything that needs doing in a week and split it fairly. We use a tick sheet so everything gets done.

You need to tell him how it makes you feel when he just dumps all the housework on you.

purple has expressed it perfectly.

Yeah he's not laid back. He just can't be arsed and he knows you already feel like you're responsible for everything so he can happily opt out.

Write down everything you do (including planning/delegating/gathering info to make family decisions/research for holidays and presents/etc) and long it takes. If you work 20 hours and he works 40 hours, then that means you should take on 66% of the household tasks and him 33%. So use your list to make a proposal of what his 33% should be. Note, it should be 33% of HOURS SPENT on household. Not 33% of items on the list!

Give him his list and tell him you're not doing these things anymore and they're now his responsibility. Of course have a little conversation about it - e.g. he's free to propose his own split as long as it's along the lines of hours spent - but be clear that you're not longer running the whole household just because you're the woman and don't work as many hours.

If you really want to get a reality check, read the book Wifework.

I wouldn't bother telling him much about how you feel re being expected to do so much.

In my experience men don't give a fuck about that. They might briefly care, but tthy don't change their behaviour unless they are forced to

Bloody hard work !
If I left him any chores which I have before they build up and we end up suffering and living in vile mess of his :( it's that bad tbh I know a lot of people are comfortable living that way but I'm not I have to have the house clean I have three children who need a clean house I'm out of ideas don't know why I asked for advice as iv tried everything

What do you get from the relationship, OP?

Everything but housework help

He's obviously not giving a shit that you are the main person that shoulders all the responsibility; all you can do is a rota and get him to adhere; he's taking the complete piss, help, help with his own home and kids; I just can't be doing with men like this, sorry I know you said no nastiness but you really need to stop allowing him to carry on taking advantage.

I agree it's not Nasty it's fact just bloody needs a kick up the ass !
I even mowed the bloody grass today because it's been three weeks of asking and him putting it off he's incredibly lazy

You have to stop thinking of it as help. It isn't help. He should be doing this.

Have you talked to him about it since you posted last?

Why not go solo then, sounds like he brings nothing much to the table.

If he doesn't respond to being asked nicely, I would stop doing anything for him. Wash yours and the kids' clothes - he can do his own. For the weekly shop, don't include anything that's specifically for him. Any crap he leaves around the house gets shoved in a drawer/under the bed and you don't help him find it. All the shitwork he's getting out of you needs to stop.

I stopped the washing now just doing mine an kids his pile is now pretty big! But I'm happy with a corner full of smelly socks I just can't crack and stick to it

Did you actually talk to him?

Yes and I get yes no problem but again after texting about the grass needing cutting he says after his nap lol so this means by the times he has the nap it will be almost 6om so too late so I did it. I might just carry on. I'm just nagging otherwise
I give up

Is he actually worth all this added stress OP, he doesn't seem to be taking anything you say seriously, total lack of respect which is not good, you're meant to be a team no?

We are meant to be a team but it doesn't feel like It when it comes to housework

Why do you think he leaves the shitwork to you, OP? And what kind of person does that make him?

3 kids, a house to run, keep clean, organise, make food, take out rubbish, grass cutting, that's just a few things you need to do in order to run the place, it's not just housework; it's how to run your life that he's jeopardising, do not downplay how hard it is to run a home with 3 kids, on your own!

Useless man, much like the others on here, that just don't get it, or can't see it; yes they can, it's a choice, and they are not friggin helping but doing their own housework or looking after their own kids, therein lies the problem, they think they are too good and it's your job, esp all the shitty stuff, that to me would tell me my partner really does not see us as a team, no team, no relationship.

So is 1am nearly I have just returned from work I made sure tea was all sorted before I left etc and iv just walked in to a messy kitchen messy lounge this really gets me down the most! As I know when I wake up I have a load of cleaning to do before my day even stats again

If you have high standards for your house then I think it's reasonable for you to be the one that meets them. Most people wouldn't care about a messy lounge at 1am on a weeknight tbh.

No I'm afraid you have missed the point lol I just would like help with the housework that's all walking in at 1am and the room is trashed yes I'm upset especially after I left it normal

I would OP, in fact I'd be absolutely raging that he had left it in a state when it wasn't before, total lack of respect, and no fucken standards.

Stop saying help, he left the place in a state, he cleans it up, that simple; he is not helping you by cleaning up his own shit!

Yes I get the HELP word lol! Thanks