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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argument with DH help

7 replies

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 22/07/2017 15:28

DH and I had an argument yesterday which dragged out over the course of the day, and to me it was just stupid and petty and we're both equally at fault. I've tried to get it to blow over but DH is still unhappy.

Now, DH is bringing up arguments from years ago that have been settled and put away and I've not thought of since. He's using this argument to air every single grievance against me. He will not comment on the things I see he has done wrong over this argument, and just wants to blame me for the whole thing. Also, I am an emotional person so I have cried a few times but every time I do he starts patronising me and saying things like "as an adult" or "I'm telling you" or accusing me of being aggressive if my voice changes, I speed up talking or get any louder. If he does this then it is okay for him to be being aggressive because I'm winding him up. He's talking about irrelevant things, putting words in my mouth, and won't listen to me.

I just don't know what to do now. He won't tell me how he wants to resolve it. We don't argue often to be honest, our relationship is good in general but DH can be very stubborn and always wants things to go his way. Normally I just back down and apologise but I just can't do it this time, but now I'm scared about how this will get resolved or how long it will drag out for or if we will split up over it. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 22/07/2017 16:13

Give him time. Move to a hotel or parents for a few days. He sounds like he is having a bad time currently and being a fool.

SteppingOnToes · 22/07/2017 16:43

Sounds like he's got a habit of galighting you and is pissed off that you have finally stood up to him...

GoldenOrb · 22/07/2017 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primadonnagirl · 22/07/2017 16:50

My EA ExH used to do this... so frustrating. He would get annoyed if I started sentences with "I" (?????).. if I replied I was " answering back".. if I said " I didn't mean that" he said I was saying he was stupid etc etc etc.This will never change OP...it might go away temporarily but it will always come back. The question is..do you want to keep living like this?

Hermonie2016 · 22/07/2017 16:53

How long have you been together? Any significant changes in recent times?

I could be projecting (very similar to stbxh) but the arguing style is very unhealthy.He is not seeking solutions but looking to blame you.Its why you feel confused because it's not about resolving an issue but he wants to have power over you.

Typically this starts after some perceived power shift.

Tofutti · 22/07/2017 17:20

Sounds exhausting Sad

Sounds like he's got a habit of galighting you and is pissed off that you have finally stood up to him...

Yes i agree

SandyY2K · 22/07/2017 17:57

When he talks in a patronising tone, point it out and if he doesn't stop, walk away and keep doing that and tell him unless he can speak to you with respect, you won't be able to resolve this in an adult way.

You need to use the speaker /listener technique to communicate better. That's what I teach in on a marriage preparation course.

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