Watching your parents bully sibling

[pawpatrolfan]

Hello
From a very dysfunctional family
I was the eldest of 3, the Alice miller sort of figure that sorted evening out as I got older

Mother had bipolar & I think BPD. Dad used to stand up to her & protect me (we were super close). This caused jealously and emotional abuse to me from
My mum - bullying over hair, appearance, friends, anything

But basically my younger sister was ruthlessly bullied my mum for years. She attempted suicide at 11 and 16.

Called a spastic, constant bullyin. With hindsight I think sister is female autistic. But god it was relentless. Especially at meal times. Mum forced her to sit at dinner table until
Midnight to eat pilau rice and chickpeas and food most kids wouldn't eat anyway

Family weren't really around & it was a family secret. I was popular & academic but nobody said. Instead just constantly 'sister isn't pawpatrol fan.. ' so I felt shit. Rather than being complimented. And sister was the scapegoat.

In adulthood it's all changed, mum turned on me (awful major way but that's a huge backstory). And now sister is the codependent one with my mum. Mum forced sister to split up with her lesbian partner & relocate with her & give up her job.

Sister is bipolar (diagnosis at 11)

I'm NC with both since my sister said if I can't let my mum do / say/ have children whenever my mum wants, my sister doesn't want a relationship with me (lovely)

Sorry Long story

Just been having Bad flashbacks lately of what m sister's childhood was like. Can anyone else relate?

Yes I can relate I was subject to bullying by my mum. Difference is I'm an only child so no sis also my Dad did NOT confront my mum and enabled/shielded her

My mum also interfered with my relationships as happened with your sister

How has it effected you?

Now my children re getting older I find it effect m more. Makes me feel sick and have a stressed stomach whenever I think about it.

They used to call Her a mongrel and say she would be pregnant at 16 in a caravan in the garden

We lived on a remote farm so nobody heard the fights & nobody visited us

My husbands parents knew. As my mum would attack my sister at meal time there. But they didn't say anything.

I soon as my sister and mum went NC with me, j told everyone 'give it 6 months and sister will have lost her partner and moved with mother'

She also gave up
Pofesssional career as couldn't do it where she reocated

Mum is so powerful I stood up to her but I just feel sad sister will never be free ? Or realise what impact mum has had ?

I don't know how to explain it

I understand

That really is a sad story, I'm sorry your childhood was so messed up. You can't do anything about your sister now unfortunately, except be in the background ready to help if she ever sees the light and breaks free from your mum.

I was bullied by my mum and my 5 older siblings often witnessed it and my mum would even encourage them to join in luckily as adults we all recognise our parents we're hopeless at parenting and we get in fairly well as siblings now. We've all had to come to terms with the past, but it did affect me for many many years.

It effected me OP by making me a people pleaser being bullied as she called me selfish and spoilt in line with the only child stereotype. I wanted to do anything to avoid the selfish stereotype so have let people walk all over me. Taken up with an abusive partner although that's now finished who I wasn't even attracted to - not had the confidence to go for the friendships I want, low self esteem, etc

Underachieving in me ,emotional immaturity in me etc etc as I had wild crushes on people , I lied as my own life was shit...

Sorry to hear that missy B even as an only child I was bullied by mum!!

You've been through hell and back. It takes a lot of insight and bravery on your part to recognise what has happened to you. Well done! I have just been given loads of information from the police about domestic violence and who to contact. The people at NAPAC napac.org.uk will understand totally where you are coming from and where to find the most suitable support. You will find yourself absolutely not alone. These things can be kept as dirty little secrets for years. Well done for posting on here.