Hi everyone
This is my first time posting a thread on here so bear with me! I Think my partner is emotionally abusive and a manipulator and I'm looking for the strength to leave him. I could really do with some perspectives on my situation.
Our little one is four years old. When our son was around 9 months old he left me. I found out he was seeing his ex girlfriend (who has since got married and had a baby with someone else). After a four month hiatus I went dating again and found someone great. As soon as that happened he came back into my life telling me he could not imagine our son having another father and that he was extremely sorry for all the hurt he caused and missed us. He wanted to be a family again and like a fool, I agreed.
Soon after he had me back, the control set in. I would be struggling to pay for nursery fees and while he had a £25k windfall from his ex employer (tribunal) he didn't even pay the bill for a month as a bit of a reprieve for me.
I pay for everything. He never takes me out, go shopping, cinema, meal. Birthdays and Christmas he's always very tight with me and his son. But he can find the money to spend £350 on a cricket bat. If I want us to go out I need to pay.
Next up. In my own house, I sleep on the sofa while he sleeps in my bed (he had ME and says he needs undisturbed sleep, but he is over the ME that he has 10 years ago.) I said this evening I have back problems I need to sleep in bed and he said 'well I need a full nights sleep'.
My friend is getting married in Italy and I'm paying for us all to go over there (my friend that's ok). He is insisting I pay an extra 200 for another flight because 'no adult likes early morning flights'. This means our 7 night him will effectively be a 5 night one. He wants a 20k bag which will cost an additional £90 and if I don't pay or book it on his conditions he's not coming.
Rudeness and disrespect - he speaks to me in a patronising tone, very cleverly and indirectly compares me to his ex girlfriends and comments on my weight everyday. The only compliments I get tend to be backhanded ones and it's eating away at my self esteem. He said something very strange to me the other day 'you think you're the only attractive woman out there?' Which came from nowhere and was completely bizarre.
Anything that involves a decision whether it be house related (which one to buy) or school related (which one to apply for) there always has to be a huge drama with him threatening to leave if things don't go his way. Procrastination is not the word!
Throughout the last three years I've tried to remain myself and stick up for myself but he's a bully and is wearing me down. He's very unpopular in the workplace because he just has an aggressive way of talking (I'm not even sure he realises).
The straw that broke the camels back was when I picked up the LO from nursery two weeks ago. We got talking about a party his mum and dad were organising for his 50th. He had completely forgotten about it and screamed so loudly in the car at me my ears were ringing. LO slept through it but totally not acceptable and dangerous. He apologised the next day but it was beyond the pale.
He is 20 years older than me (50). He patronises me. Getting a hug from him these days is difficult. Dealing with all of this has been preferable to being a single mum again, until now.