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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does this sound like a mental disorder or he is just an idiot

29 replies

user1494189248 · 21/07/2017 23:32

I am with DP for almost two years. It was great at start, i was very happy. Soon he started changing and becoming someone i cant recognize anymore. Slowly but steadily he got me to the point to be depressed and miserable most of the time. He still talks about marriage and kids but i have this feeling that this would be the worst mistake of my life.His behavior is so strange that i can not make sense of it anymore and his moods changing rapidly.
After what happened recently i feel broken. He is on his 30. Couple of months ago i asked him to sort his gaming hours because he would come back from work, eat and sleep straightaway , wake up at midnight, play games until early hours and go straight to work. I felt like i was a maid and not a partner. He sort it it out and now he plays normal hours and i thought that everything was fine
Couple of days ago my nephew came to stay with me for few hours and he wanted to play some games on pc. When my partner found out he got angry , telling me that no game will run on my pc and if he can not play then no one else will. That went on for about half hour and i couldn't take it anymore and told him that he wont dictate what my nephew or anyone else does and that he is behaving like a child. This resulting in him getting very very upset , telling me that if i say this again we are done ,now he realised who i really am, i put someone elses sperm product above him and i finally reveal my real self. I broke him, i hurt him, he is just a convenience to me, i will regret it, he will revenge me and i have to watch my back, he hates me. He kept me up all night with this nonsense. After a point i stopped trying to make sense and i was just listening
Finally i had to leave for work and i was rushing because i was late. While i was at work he sent me few messages apologizing, telling me that we will have a great life and that he cant wait for me to go home. He also asked if i had any problems because i delayed to go to work. I replied to him two hours later while on a break and i said that i had a very bad day due to everything that happened and i feel like crying all the time.
When i returned home i called him and he asked how things went with work. I said could be worst but he insisted on details. I asked him to give me few minutes, i was up for more than 36 hours (thanks to him) and feeling unwell. He started raging , telling me to f off, i am very selfish because he was worried about my job and i cant answer a simple question and hung up the phone on me. A minute later messaged me to tell me that i dont care about him , i proved it one more time and i know how sensitive he is from yesterday and i carry on hurting him. He added that i should add this to my bad day
At that point i couldnt take it anymore and i didnt reply.An hour later he called me and i didnt hear it . He called 10 times within 15 minutes and left a message that if i dont pick up he will turn his phone off and wont talk to me untill the day after.
Later the same day he pretended that nothing happened and that i am overreacting if i feel hurt and i should not cause so many problems
His behavior on this incident and many others doesnt seem normal at all, i started wondering if he has a mental disorder.

OP posts:
WorknameJimEllis · 21/07/2017 23:36

It's irrelevant wether he has or not.

This is no fun for you. You are getting nothing out of the relationship.

Ltb

Cricrichan · 21/07/2017 23:39

It doesn't matter. He is abusive. Leave him.

Howlongtilldinner · 21/07/2017 23:40

Ditto the last two posts..

LynetteScavo · 21/07/2017 23:40

He doesn't sound like someone who is fun to be with, I'd be ending the relationship.

paulapantsdown · 21/07/2017 23:55

Irrelevant - he's a dick. Get rid.

oldtrees · 22/07/2017 00:00

Maybe he does have a mental disorder, maybe he doesn't. Either way -
RUN!!!

No apology can make a difference, he will grind you down. Excape, what's stopping you? You don't need his permission you know. Nor do you need to dump him face to face if he's abusive.

Kr1stina · 22/07/2017 00:05

another vote to LTB

HatieCockpins · 22/07/2017 00:05

Could be either. Could be a bit of both. Either way he does not sound like a good partner.

You could stay with him for years trying to figure out why he behaves like an arsehole. Or you could leave now and have a better life without him.

Postagestamppat · 22/07/2017 00:08

If he manages to dictate now that he can act like this and you will accept it, it will continue and get worse. The only difference it will make if he has a disorder is whether he will get treatment for it. Can you imagine him agreeing to diagnosis and then going through therapy for it? Especially as he seems to think that his reaction is your fault and won't talk about it rationally.

ijustwannadance · 22/07/2017 00:18

Do you live together? At start of post it sounds like you do but at the end not so much.

Just leave. If he is like this now he will only get worse. He already blames everything on you.

Kindy1234 · 22/07/2017 00:18

He sounds abusive

Devilishpyjamas · 22/07/2017 00:21

Please tell me you don't live together.

YeahILoveSummer · 22/07/2017 00:22

Get out now

C0untDucku1a · 22/07/2017 00:26

Holy shit he is an abusive cunt. Leave him. Quickly. Dont try to analyse him and find reasons for his abuse. It is still abuse.

springydaffs · 22/07/2017 01:16

Seriously abusive.

Read 'why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft.

Do the Freedom Programme - click 'find a course' on their site to find a course near you.

Definitely leave him. But get support to make sure you don't weaken when he turns on the charm.

Don't ever forget how he's treated you. Seriously abusive. Abusers often start out absolutely wonderful to hook you in, then once you're hooked/in love/committed they show who they really are: abusers.

His mental disorder is that he loathes women and believes we should be controlled at all times and ground down to dust. I bet you felt ground down to dust after 36 hours of no sleep thanks to his abuse which he kept up all night Shock

BubblingUp · 22/07/2017 01:22

Run, run, run like the wind.....

PsychedelicSheep · 22/07/2017 01:31

He probably does have some sort of mental disorder yes, possibly a personality disorder or similar.

That isn't the point though, the most important thing is that you leave, quickly and safely. I promise you he won't get any better.

Mom2K · 22/07/2017 03:14

If I were you I wouldn't care what is causing this. Run. Run now and never look back. My ex husband I believe does have some mental illness but I think he is also just entitled and abusive as his nature. No amount of counseling has fundamentally changed who he is and how he views things.

You don't have kids with him, you're lucky. You can cut your ties completely. So just do it. I still have to deal with random flare ups of harassment due to having kids with my ex.

Be free and happy Flowers

Postagestamppat · 22/07/2017 04:26

LTB is thrown out like candy here. But in your case you have an insight to how his mind works. You have no connections, other than emotional, so you can and should get out now. I would bet anything that once he really understands that you are going he'll reveal himself again (after the initial charm offensive).

This resulting in him getting very very upset , telling me that if i say this again we are done ,now he realised who i really am, i put someone elses sperm product above him and i finally reveal my real self. I broke him, i hurt him, he is just a convenience to me, i will regret it, he will revenge me and i have to watch my back, he hates me. Very worrying that goes through his brain. This is NOT normal in an argument.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/07/2017 05:49

They're always nice at the start. If they weren't you'd never have stayed. However, the test of a really nice man is one who continues to be nice as a general way of life. He may be grumpy sometimes because anyone can have an off day, but will be able to apologise for it and get back to being normally pleasant without you having to cajole or bribe him. You will not have to get to the brink of leaving before the nice side comes out, because he's mostly nice anyway, and wants to make you happy just as you want to make him happy.

This man you are with is not nice.

BunnyCupBows · 22/07/2017 06:34

Does he take drugs? He sounds hugely unstable you need to get some RL support and leave him, this situation is only going to get worse.

Fishface77 · 22/07/2017 08:22

He's not depressed, he's showing his true self.
Nasty nasty man.
You've got no kids, run and never look back. Then put yourself on the back for a lucky escape.

category12 · 22/07/2017 08:25

What a shitbird. You need to end things with him.

littlenicky61 · 22/07/2017 09:25

Get out now but be prepared for him to revert back to the person you originally fell in love with - dont be fooled by this though. As the saying goes when someone shows you their true colours believe them. Good luck you deserve so much better .

ptumbi · 22/07/2017 09:41

Who cares whether he is mentally unwell or is a dick?

Either way, you can't fix him.

Ditch.