How can one man have this much impact?

[Bumspoosandwees]

I'm behaving horrendously and I know this. 17 years ago I met a man. I was 4 years older than him. I think we might have had a relationship, but I wanted children. He did too, but he wasn't at that stage - so we had a FWB type situation. He was the best sex and the best connection I've ever had with a man. I should be saying this about my current partner, but if I'm completely honest - I can't. I met my partner - who wanted the same things as me - and who is a wonderful person - we are 'opposites' but decided that we work well as a team. What one has as a skill, the other makes up for. TBH, I don't think he 'loves' me. We are good friends, we have a little girl together, we don't have sex anymore. But we are together. I've done various crap things over the years and he has stood by me. FWB guy has never 'gone away'. What started out as occasional friendly emails has now turned to the beginnings of an affair. His relationship has broken down, he has a young child. I think about him constantly. I know the answer is no contact/block. I've tried this - REALLY tried - for months - or a year - and then I fail. I've started drinking/smoking/anti-depressants. Any advice?? Thank you x

Thank you GO. I've always been unsure about our relationship - but decided that it all made practical sense. Thing is it is good, he is good - and he will always stand by me. Because he is a good person. But I think if I took the decision to leave, he might eventually be happier and get more out of life.

Marg Proops would advise you to work on your relationship with your partner...invest in your relationship. For the benefit of all you youngsters MP was an agony aunt from prehistoric times..

So is randomly berating people on the internet..

whoops - that was meant in response to the message about 'shame on you'

Leave your partner ..

SHAME ON YOU. Smoking is a disgusting anti-social habit

So is berating an adult for their own personal choices, you might want to quit that.

Ooops Bant I didn't see your post before I posted the same thing.

Did you have fun last night? 😊
I think you're just in need of some passion.
Forget about fertility just focus on the man youre with now. Try get that same passion out of him. Initiate it and tell him what you'd like him to do and ask him what he likes.

Forget about the other guy and don't email him anymore. At least while you're trying to save your family unit.
It's been a long time ago and maybe you only remember the good stuff. You might make him out to be better than he is in your own head.

Your partner sounds lovely you're very lucky. Maybe a bit of passion will bring you closer.

And I'd nothing works you can always leave him if you're truly not happy.
And ask him if he loves you and if he is happy. Maybe he just wants some passion too?

It's perfectly possible to make an open relationship work along with having a family. Sometimes the person who makes the best co-parent for you is not a person you can have the best sex with and, if your co-parent feels the same way (and both of you are reasonably good at organising your time) you can set up an arrangement that keeps everyone happy.