Really struggling with my husband leaving
Just over a year ago my husband left me and the children. He threatened to stab me in the neck and shoved me into the front door in front of our children. Obviously I called the police and had him arrested. Needless to say he was very abusive, always putting me down, controlling the finances, treating myself and the children like we were an inconvenience. He also smoked weed daily and drank heavily which I constantly asked him to stop.
I have suffered depression my entire adult life and he was less than supportive which lead to me drinking and excessively. He would always go on about my drinking but he would still drink in front of me every night and encourage me to go out and even give me money, he would then spend the next day shouting at me or ignoring me. He even threatened to call ss and say I was an unfit mother.
I am still really struggling to accept that it is over. When he finally said he wouldn't be coming home (after months of leading me on, telling me he didn't want a divorce, taking me out on dates etc) in January he told me it was because he was scared he'd hurt me and the children again and that he would never be able to have another relationship for the same reason.
I then found out recently he is on a dating website so all of what he said was lies. I feel absolutely gutted and sick at the thought of him with someone else even though he treated me appallingly. He obviously just didn't want to be with me and just didn't love me but didn't have the balls to tell me.
I feel like my family are fed up of me being upset as they just saw all the hurt he caused but he was my husband and we were together 15 years, he's all I've ever known and I'm so sad and confused that is over.
I am having counselling but I don't seem to be getting anywhere, I was feeling better at one point but now I feel like I've gone back 100 paces.
I have now quit drinking, I'm in AA, I go to the gym I talk to friends but I'm still stuck in this awful miserable place and I just want it all to stop, he really has screwed up my head and I can't see a way out. What if I never get over him? How can I move on and accept it's over?
Sorry to rant I just needed to get it all off my chest.
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