Introducing new man to kids

[whatnextfred]

Hi all,

I'm separated from stbxh since Oct. I have 3dc aged 9,7 and 4. I have met a lovely man who has a nine year old dc. The kids know I'm dating and that I've met someone and are keen to meet him.

He is also keen but not pushing. It's been two months. I never imagined introducing someone so soon tbh. If I read this post I'd say it was too soon, but yet it doesn't feel too soon

He has suggested a casual afternoon in the park with his and my dc. I would be careful not to ramp up his presence in the house etc but from a practical point of view it would be great if they met him because at the moment I feel like I'm hiding him / doing something wrong / sneaking around trying to coordinate see him with them not being home etc.

Thoughts please?

It feels too early as the children must still be adjusting to their parents marriage ending.

It's important to consider what the children will internalize if the relationship ends.Its no longer about just you as they will be shaped by your relationships.

My friends ex has introduced partners and it has made the children feel relationships don't work.I don't know if that realistic or pessimistic.It just feels sad that primary aged children have this awareness.

We've had two nights away. He came here when I was taken to A&E with a burst cyst and looked after me. Got prescription / food/ cooked. Took care of me. We talk a lot. It's all good with no red flags at all.

Part of me thinks now that they know about him it makes a bigger deal if they don't meet for ages.... wish I'd kept my mouth shut but too late for that

Far, far too soon imo. Two months is still firmly part of the honeymoon stage.

I really think it's a personal choice, you can't say it has to be a set period of time.

My ex introduced our daughter to his partner within weeks of us separating, it was embarrassing for everyone involved as it confused her horribly.

I, nearly a year later, met somebody and was adamant I'd wait a year, but we actually ended up doing similar to you as my new partner also has a child, and not introducing would mean seeing a lot less of each other.

We started off doing intermittent, really low pressure stuff - bonfire night fireworks, Christmas lights switch on, etc. Nothing that involved sitting around a table with forced conversation, etc.

We did what was right for us, and with time and patience became a really secure little unit. I'm not saying we didn't have hiccups, because blending families always will, but the transition period was handled perfectly, for us.

*similar to you suggest

He sounds like a nice guy OP!

You can still speak to the kids about him, I did with my DP. It helped my son as he used to feel guilty about leaving me alone when he went to his dads EOW, and I told him I had a friend who would keep me company and look after me while he was away.

He used to fix things in the house too, including DSs toys Computer etc so he was a positive friendly influence around me before I introduced him to DS, but there was no rush. I think it was around 5 months before DS met him in the end.

Dd (9) is the one pushing to meet him, the boys aren't bothered. We go on holiday next week and I'm sharing a room with dd. Bf has suggested that maybe we FaceTime and they say Hi. I think this is a great solution, she will feel grown up and it will satisfy somewhat the natural curiosity she has while not impacting on the boys or actually meeting him yet. Spoke to dd and she thinks it's a great idea so will start with that and hold off on meeting