Making new friends - tips needed!

[featheredboa]

Hello! I'm quite crap at making new friends. I have a lot of acquaintances since I do a lot of things and meet a lot of people, but I have trouble making that step from acquaintance to good friend. The good friends I have sort of picked me and made friends with me rather than the other way around if that makes sense. I would love to have more close friends but I'm just a bit clueless! I have a very strange family and very weird upbringing - my parents have no close friends and my mother doesn't have any girlfriends for example which is probably why this doesn't come naturally to me.

I don't need ideas on how to meet people as I meet lots of people just some ideas on what to do to go from acquaintance to friend. I worry that I will be too familiar/creepy so I do nothing and always just wait for others to initiate something but that's probably not the best and if everyone done that then where would we be!

"The good friends I have sort of picked me and made friends with me rather than the other way around if that makes sense."

Yes, here too.
Sorry no advice. Genuine friendship is a gift. All the really good friends I have have 'chosen' me, not the other way round.

Strange when I think about it.

I'm terrible at making friends - a work colleague has asked me if I fancy going for a coffee to catch up rather than on shift handovers. This is only the second acquaintence I have made in 3 years of living in the area. I have a bit of social anxiety and don't make friends well :( I'd love to know how to be less 'unfriendly'.

No friends here. .
Too many dc it seems!!
Last friend always asked how many dc I had with me if i rang from town!!
Shame as my dc are rather nice!!

As someone who struggled a lot with this when I was younger and who now finds it a lot easier: I think the really critical thing is learning to be chilled about it and not expect too much of people too soon. If you make an overture or gesture to someone and they don't step up or you feel you're doing more of the heavy lifting, don't take it personally, let them go and come back to you when they're ready.

Friendships take a long time to really stick and wax and wane and I think a lot of the time people come unstuck because they feel they are putting in more legwork than the other person and then get offended and back off when the friendship isn't returned at the same level of intensity from the word go.

There's that old maxim about how you should never chase love or friendship and I think its incredibly wise. Be open to people, be warm and charming and helpful and inviting and be prepared to give of yourself. But let them come to you. If they don't, back off, let them be and be gracious, but if you have our own sense of self and your own space, chances are they will.