How do you know if you're a good mum?

[FunkyChunk]

As title - how do you know? What makes a good mum?

I feel guilt all the time that I am failing and need to try harder. For context, I work full time and DD's Dad has her EOW. I don't feel like we spend enough quality time together that isn't just rushing around trying to keep my head above water.

I know I am good at:

Putting her first (new relationships etc - she has only met one partner of mine after her Dad and I split up, and we are getting married)
Emotionally, I'm good at talking things through and helping her with how she is feeling.
Being there for parent's evening's, sports days etc. I do miss some events due to work, but go to the "big ones" without fail.
Providing - I work really hard so she can enjoy dancing clubs x3 a week, I don't get any money at all from Ex so keeping her fed, clothed etc.

I feel like I'm failing in other areas. As mentioned, I work full time so we only spend an hour or two together in the evenings. We always sit down for dinner together and chat, but then it's wind down for bedtime where she likes to watch TV / read etc. So I also relax, we do this mostly independently but in the same room - her doing her thing, me mine. We do cuddle up sometimes (more so of a weekend) but I know I need to work on maximising this time together during the week.

In the mornings it's just a big rush and I feel like all I do is moan and nag constantly. I know I need to work on my patience.

She is brilliant, really polite, well behaved, outgoing and confident. I do compliment her all the time (clever, beautiful, kind, funny etc).

I suppose I just feel like I'm doing a bad job as I'm absent all week, and we only get quality time together EOW. I'm just moaning all the time, "hurry up get your shoes on/where's this?/tidy your room" and not enough good stuff. I miss her so much when she's at her Dad's.

Is it just working mum guilt? I don't know if I'm doing a good job or not :(

She is brilliant, really polite, well behaved, outgoing and confident
THIS is what tells you if you are a good mum or not.
You are doing everything right and everything you can.
Be proud of all you do with her and for her.

You sound like a fantastic mother. The fact that you are even worrying about it says a lot too. You work full time so juggling a job (to help provide for her), home and child is not easy for even someone with a partner.
I work 4 days per week and I also feel like I don't spend quality time with my kids. My oldest especially. He seems more interested in sticking his head in his Ipad. I also spend a lot of time shouting and nagging (especially in the mornings) but, at the end of the day, I'm always there for a cuddle, chat when they need me. They are good kids (most of the time) so I try not to worry too much.
No-one is perfect and its hard striking the right balance. Sounds like you're doing just fine to me.

You sound great to me!
I am in a similar position in that I also work full time but have DH as well (children's father) so no EOW visits to contend with. The fact you are worried about it in some way means you are a good mother, if you weren't you wouldn't care!

Think of your own mother. What were the things about her that made her a 'good' or 'bad' parent?

IME all children want is to be loved.

on a bad day just getting everyone into bed alive seems like a miracle. On a good day, they're mostly well behaved. Bright, funny and good company (when I confiscate the phones). They know I'm interested in stuff they do, and we talk about homework and school problems.

Surely terrible parents don't worry about how they are doing?

I get the working mum/EOW guilt, although we split the weekend in half. Feels like all I do is nag about clothes on the floor, teeth brushing, shoes, homework, making beds, setting table etc etc. Then off they go to Disney dad for the fun stuff.

all you have to be is good enough.

them not being dead is a good start here. they are autistic with little sense of danger and the ability to find it wherever it lurks

I think you are being too harsh on yourself. What is it you think you SHOULD be doing?
Sounds like you are doing just fine!!

Sounds great to me. You compliment her too, my mum never compliments me but compliments her friends daughter all the time. You are giving your daughter high self esteem, she is confident and outgoing. That's great. Don't worry you are a great mother.

I think if you like your kid, that's a good start.

If they can talk to you about stuff and aren't afraid, gold star.

I often find the people that question if they are good parents generally are, my step son was abused emotionally and physically, neglected by his own mother and she never doubted herself even now that he hasn't been in her life for 3 years she still doesn't accept wrongdoing or question her ability. Still lies through her teeth about the situation.
Yet here you are. Questioning yourself. Which evidently means you care.
If you are doing your best and providing love and support to your children and protecting them. Then you're top of the list xx

you sound like a good mum. In order to be the best mum you can be.....I'm a mum and a educational pro is this..... be honest and yourself be authentic. Don't speak in what you think is mum mode or the demands of what you think is right i.e. tidy your room, do this do that mode. Speak in an honest person to person way with your child and listen to their opinions. Create an independent person who treats others well by your example even if its for one hour a day.
Give them room to be themselves eg wear the wrong thing, don't put their toys away, forget to clean their teeth..... with no nagging and they will feel respected. Give them choice. Lead by example not nagging and they will follow.